I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

"I will permit it to pass over me and through me."

Incontinence jokes notwithstanding, what does this mean?

To feel an emotion doesn't mean that it has to take over your heart and soul. If you experience an event and let your feelings wash over and through you without struggling or denying them, it robs the emotion of its power over you.

Observe yourself as you are experiencing fear - what do you do? Does your heart skip a beat? Do you stutter? (When I am afraid, my stomach drops down the elevator shaft to the basement - and stays there!!!) This cultivated detachment allows you to have the clarity to do what is necessary (to start with, think) to solve the problem.

One of the things that I have worked on in dealing with my fears, is the realization that just because I feel an emotion, doesn't mean that I have to do anything about it at the moment I feel it. Many times, even taking the time to take a deep breath means the difference between a lucid response and a manic one. And, if I take the time to think about what I'm feeling, and what's actually going on, I sometimes discover that there is nothing for me to do at all (whether I *like* that or not, is an entirely different story, lol)!

I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

... Then Who Will Love Me?

"...the greatest suffering is being lonely, feeling unloved, having no one. I have come more and more to realize that it is being unwanted that is the worst disease that any human being can ever experience."
~Mother Teresa of Calcutta

Being unloved and unwanted is terrifying. I'd daresay that it is probably the reason that people put up with all kinds of emotional abuse; if you don't take it, "then there would be no one to love me", thing.

Scary.

I know first-hand how scary this is, I went through it with someone that was only too happy to pull out the "we are a family" schtick when it was something they wanted, that meant a lot of extra work for me, or not in my best interests. When things went south, though... they grabbed their behind in both hands and headed for the hills (metaphorically), leaving me to deal with the fallout. When the smoke cleared, I was expected to be okay with trusting this person again, the way that I had before.

That was an unforgettable, watershed moment for me. Something inside me snapped. I had worked so hard for people to like me, to respect me, to be a stand up person, by doing what others wanted me to do, that I had lost myself somewhere in the mix. And it didn't count for anything, anyway.

So, what did I do?

I said, "No."

And trotting out "We Are A Family" didn't work this time. (Have you ever noticed that when people pull out what you have in common with them to get you to do something, it is a really bad thing for *you* to do?) No one who knew me could understand why I was "being so difficult" ... but what really changed my viewpoint was this observation:

If I didn't do this, this person wouldn't love me anymore (BIG FEAR)...
but (facing fear)
their behavior spoke loudly and clearly that they DIDN'T LOVE ME ANYWAY!!

[!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sound of bonds breaking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

I'm so glad that my parents (who I've had my share of disagreements with over the years) were straight shooters... no emotional manipulation, guilt trips, and the like... so, once the blinders were removed, it was easier to cut the web of lies (spoken & unspoken) and machinations. Make no mistake, I don't hate this person, and life is too short to spend limited personal time with people who don't like you.

Is my life any easier?

In some ways yes, and in some ways no.

Yes, because my behavior and my feelings are on the same page. My worth is not based on the fleeting feelings of other people. I don't look into someone else's mirror to validate that I am a worthwhile human being, even though I am imperfect (just like everyone else).

No, because there is still pressure to conform, no matter what it may do to my spirit. No, because it is making the lives of the people around me more difficult. Everyone is learning about the new me, and she doesn't put up with trash from other people. And it is not up for discussion, either. I don't fight about it. I simply won't put up with it.

I will still give you the shirt off my back, just not at the expense of the things that are most important to me (the way that I used to).

But overall, I think that it has been a good thing. It has freed me to care about people, without having to take on all their problems personally. To allow my friends and loved ones to solve their own problems, without my help (which they probably didn't want anyway, lol!). Am I perfect with this? Nope. I'm still learning to mind my own business, but I'm getting a lot better at being dispassionate.

To answer the question that the post line poses, "I will." It starts with me. I have to exhibit the behavior that I want to see in other people. I have to teach people how to treat me, by walking the path.

Care to join me on the journey?

... Then Who Will Love Me?

How to Learn More About Natural Healing

Read, read, read. Go to the library, and see what books they have on herbs and their uses. Read about what the herbs are good for, and try out a few remedies on a few minor ailments.

For example, people ask me how I know so much about what to do for various problems. I explain that I have an interest in my health. I have noticed that conventional medicine usually focuses on controlling the symptoms, not getting to the root cause of the problem. I'm much more interested in getting to the cause. So, for example, I used to suffer from severe asthma attacks quite frequently. I took all the medicines that I was given, without question. But I didn't get any better. It wasn't until I began reading about my condition that I began to understand that my diet (lots of junk food), and emotions (I was upset about some things going on in my homelife), had as much to do with my asthma symptoms as the pollutants and allergens in the air, water, and food around me.

I discovered that I was allergic to certain things. I also discovered that pushing my emotions down, unacknowledged, was a surefire way to create problems down the road. I also learned that I needed to eat better, more fruits and vegetables, no soda, more water and herbal teas. I needed to exercise, because a strong body can handle more with less discomfort. In short, there was no magic drug that would 'fix' the asthma. I had to start taking care of myself.

Once I realized that, the herbs were a help to restore balance while I took care to let my body heal. Herbs do not contain one or two active ingredients, like pharmaceuticals, but lots of different, interactive chemicals that work together in a synergistic way to support your system in repairing itself.

The reason that I say start at the library, is that there are a *lot* of books about herbal medicine, ranging in quality from junk to fantastic. However, even in the 'good' range, you need to find books that you are comfortable reading. Some books talk in 'medicalese', others are designed for the layperson. It's a matter of style, and what you are comfortable with. So, after you find and test-drive a few books at the library, go and buy the ones that you are most comfortable with (one at a time).

Whenever you have a minor ailment, look it up, before you reach for the over the counter stuff. Is there something else that I can do to alleviate or fix this problem? Have I been drinking enough water? What have I eaten today? What have I *not* eaten today? What else is going on around me? Am I angry or upset about something?

One more thing. A good book will also describe symptoms of serious ailments that you *should not* try to 'fix' yourself... these include heart attack, stroke, appendicitis... these are potential ailments that should cause you (or your loved one) to head for the nearest emergency room *IMMEDIATELY*, while calling 911 on your cell phone to alert the aformentioned hospital that you are on the way.

Beware of books that tell you that all medical problems can be fixed by positive thinking, or strictly by herbs/oils/etc. Pardon the expression, but that is just **stupid**. A smart person knows the limits of their knowledge. If a small problem doesn't respond to a home remedy, then perhaps it is not a small problem. If you feel like it may be more serious, it probably is. You know your body better than anyone else. Use common sense. If you don't have any, borrow a respected friends' common sense.

More to come, as it comes to mind.
©2007 LaVeda H. Mason All Rights Reserved.

How to Learn More About Natural Healing