If You Just Keep On Living...

another piece of the puzzle will fall into place.

Especially if you talk with people, and ask their opinion about things.

I was speaking with a gentleman today, and the conversation turned to why people lie about things that aren't even important.

His answer totally floored me.

"Reputation", he replied. "People want to be seen a certain way."

Whether thay actually are that way or not. They present themselves that way, and then go on about their business, and you believe that they are the way that they presented themselves to be. And you treat them accordingly.

!!!!!!!

To tell the truth, maybe it is naive of me not to have thought about that, but anybody who spends any amount of time with you knows what you are like.

Unless you are a sociopath with incredible acting skills, people will figure out in short order that you are not who you represent yourself to be.

So, why waste time with facades? And add the moniker "liar" to your list of imperfections?

Any ideas on this one?

(Thanks, Joey!)

If You Just Keep On Living...

Happy April Fools' Day!!

If you are on the internet, you know that April Fools' Day began in earnest yesterday, what with people on the other side of the International Date Line starting the fun.

On Twitter, you could hardly believe anything you saw...

In email, practical jokes abounded...

In person, whoopee cushions sounded out...

LaughingSquid declared yesterday "Annoying Internet Day", lol!!

Me?

I was tempted to tell my dh that we were expecting another little one... but that wouldn't have phased him...

Or, that this one time that I played the lottery, and I discovered that I won ... but, he would have looked at the calendar immediately, lol!

Soooo... we just had a quiet April Fools' Day, and even the children behaved themselves.

Yes, they did. No fooling!

How was your day? What did you do?

Happy April Fools' Day!!

On Duty Vs. Expectations

I need to re-read The Notebooks of Lazarus Long again... along with some of Heinlein's other books. These tenets are something to keep in mind.

Lazarus Long/Robert Heinlein on Duty v. Expectations:

"Do not confuse “duty” with what other people expect of you; they are utterly different. Duty is a debt you owe to yourself to fulfill obligations you have assumed voluntarily. Paying that debt can entail anything from years of patient work to instant willingness to die. Difficult it may be, but the reward is self-respect.

But there is no reward at all for doing what other people expect of you, and to do so is not merely difficult, but impossible. It is easier to deal with a footpad [a thief] than it is to deal with a leech who wants “just a few minutes of your time, please - this won’t take long.” Time is your total capital, and the minutes of your life are painfully few. If you allow yourself to fall into the vice of agreeing to such requests, they quickly snowball to the point where these parasites will use up 100 percent of your time - and squawk for more!

So learn to say no - and to be rude about it when necessary.

Otherwise you will not have time to carry out your duty, or to do your own work, and certainly no time for love and happiness. The termites will nibble away your life and leave none of it for you.

This rule does not mean that you must not do a favor for a friend, or even a stranger. But let the choice be yours. Don’t do it because it is “expected” of you."

Amazing the attitude toward wasting time... especially when you consider that these words are coming from an immortal :-).

On Duty Vs. Expectations

Fragility

From The Group News Blog... [LowerManhattanite]

"Take a moment to take care of yourselves...and others.

You may have noticed my (LowerManhattanite's) scarceness over the last week-and-a-half or so. You may not have. I know that I've missed many of you and very much missed contributing as much as I would have liked.

Since Steve's illness and leaving us a year ago, the one truism we've all come to know is that “Life intrudes”—in good ways and bad. For me, life has intruded in a veritable multitude of ways in the last fortnight. Good...bad...but mostly it seems, the supremely distracting “What the f***” variety.

It has seemed overwhelming at times, and yes...it got me down, but in the end, I have my wits about me and can take care of myself. That last statement rings loudly in my head because what put that in hard perspective for me was some unfortunate news I received about a peer. Someone I worked with for a couple of years a few years back, a tremendously talented, dazzlingly attractive person with the world pretty much an open oyster for them—stardom, money and the works—and that person is now literally incapacitated by mental illness."

Read the rest here ... and remember to take care of yourselves :-).

Fragility

Winston Churchill on Danger...

“One ought never to turn one’s back on a threatened danger and try to run away from it. If you do that, you will double the danger. But if you meet it promptly and without flinching, you will reduce the danger by half. Never run away from anything. Never!”
~Sir Winston Churchill

Tell yourself repeatedly:
"I am moving through my fears, and I am free."

Remember that the resources you need come to you when you need them. Even when you don't know where they will come from.

-----
Speaking of resources, I am a novice webmaster. I need to change my homepage to reflect my three blogs. And while I'm doing research, I'm not finding what I need.

What I want to do is have my main homepage (www.laveda.info) have an excerpt of the latest blogpost of each of my three blogs, and change automatically as I keep posting, so that a newcomer to my site can get a taste of what I write about. WordPress MU has been suggested, and while it will do what I want, it is beyond what I can do, programming-wise, and write, too!

Any suggestions on forums, websites, etc. that provide tutorials on how to do this? I'm tearing my hear out here (and I didn't have that much to start with)...

Thanks, all!
LaVeda

Winston Churchill on Danger...

It All Comes Full Circle...

From our parents to us, and then to our children.

I think the greatest change that we can make as a people is to learn from the mistakes and triumphs of our parents, friends, and people around us.

Then, we'll be free to make totally different mistakes, that will help someone get ahead that much faster, and eventually, we will figure out the best ways to do things, with a minimum of stumbling around in the dark. 

Of course, this assumes that we're all Vulcans, and maintain a fairly high level of detachment, instead of getting all messy and emotionally involved in the activities, the process, and the outcome of what we are trying to accomplish. 

It All Comes Full Circle...

Something to Think About...

“We have the need to be accepted and to be loved by others, but we cannot accept and love ourselves. The more self-love we have, the less we will experience self-abuse. Self-abuse comes from self-rejection, and self-rejection comes from having an image of what it means to be perfect and never measuring up to that ideal. Our image of perfection is the reason we reject ourselves the way we are, and why we don't accept others the way they are.”

~ Don Miguel Ruiz

Something to Think About...

Speaking of Parents...

Give your parents a hug and a kiss, and tell them you love them....

Parents don't always make sense, but they love you...

Tissue alert!

Speaking of Parents...

Parent Job Description

[I'm filing this one under 'you always get what you need in your email...', because I didn't write it; although I could have! - LaVeda]


PARENT POSITION:
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION:

Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment.

Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.

Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!

Travel expenses not reimbursed.

Extensive courier duties also required.


RESPONSIBILITIES:

The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.

Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.

Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.

Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.

Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.

Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.

Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.

Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.

Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:

None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:

None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis...

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:

Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right...

** AND A FOOTNOTE? **
THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!!
If you are fortunate enough you will become grandparents :)

Parent Job Description

The Older Children Get, The More They Need You

Lately, as I've been going through different things, my eldest child [who is almost 18], is dealing with similar things.

Learning that people aren't always how they present themselves to be, etc.

I've spent the last 18 years eating right, trying to model proper behavior and attitudes [not always succeeding, but trying], and keeping my children safe.

If you had asked me all those years ago, if by the time they were this age, what my job would be, I would have answered, "None."

Because once they are grown, your job is over, right?

[cackles madly]

Nope. As I am learning, the job changes from being a worker, to being management, to becoming a consultant.

I thought management was hard. Compared to being a consultant, it was a walk in the park.

The Older Children Get, The More They Need You

The Four Different Stages of Being a Parent...

1) Worker = Promises: deliver competent performance in a domain, over and over.
Ages 0-7 years (stages can overlap ages, depends on the child and the parents)

Changing diapers/toilet training
Feeding, bathing, grooming, dressing child
Getting child to doctors'/dentist, etc. appointments
Social visits arranged and executed
Teaching child proper social skills - dealing with elders, other children, and appropriate-to-the-situation behavior [indoor v. outdoor voice]
Teaching child how things work, and the way that the parent wants things done (ie, chores, etc.) and why

2) Manager = Requests: please do x by time y with condition of satisfaction z.
Ages 5-13

Child can be given an assignment with instructions, and child can carry it out with minimal supervision.
If there are questions, parent is asked for clarification.
Chores, etc. are posted, and done with minimal nagging, reminders, etc.


3) Executive = Declarations: bring forth, generate something new, lead.
Ages 12-18

Child can be given an task, with specific goals, and they figure out how to get the task done.
Child helps with figuring out how to achieve family, as well as personal objectives.

4) Consultant = Offer suggestions, guidance to help client achieve their goals.
Ages 18+

Child is now responsible for their own decisions and choices.
Parent can give suggestions and/or advice, but is restricted to watching, as opposed to direct
action.


Is there anything that I've missed on this one?

The Four Different Stages of Being a Parent...

Today Is A Beautiful Day (Redux)

Funny thing...

In an earlier post, I talked about my fears for humanity. In the comments, Solomon Broad reminded me that while it does seem that everything is coming to an end, things in many ways are better than they were 100 years ago.

Then, I read this post on The Happiness Project, and realized that it is very important to shield your joyousness, by any means necessary. Otherwise, you'll become that cynical, scarred person that I wrote about.

I'm still working out how shield my joyousness, while protecting myself and my family.

Any suggestions?

Today Is A Beautiful Day (Redux)

Quote on Miracles...

“There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” - Albert Einstein

From the ridiculous:
Mankind is to be represented in space by a Doritos Ad

To the sublime:
The Earth at Night

Quote on Miracles...

Today Is A Beautiful Day...

so, why am I angry [again]?

I think about the injustice, oppression, cruelty, and carelessness of people toward one another, and I get angry.

So, asking myself my own question:

What am I afraid of?

I am afraid that we, as a people, as a species, will not - or cannot - change. That the utopian society that I see in futuristic movies and books will never exist, because people refuse to relinquish their predjudices, biases and bad, hurtful habits to create a new society, a new world.

I am afraid that I will become like the people I see around me - apathetic, calloused toward others' pain and suffering - my heart and soul scarred over, until there is nothing tender left. A mindless automaton, doing the bidding of my corporate masters, whose sense of joy, wonder and appreciation for life has withered and died.

I am afraid that we will stop hearing one anothers' story, which is part of our own, and will annihilate ourselves because of it.

I am afraid that only the roaches will be left. [I ***HATE*** roaches! And, yes, I'm afraid of them, lol!]

Today Is A Beautiful Day...

Quote on Loving...

“A loving person lives in a loving world. A hostile person lives in a hostile world. Everyone you meet is a mirror.”
~Ken Keyes Jr.

Something to remember. We can acknowledge the fact that misery and unhappiness exists, but determine for ourselves whether or not to let it color our interactions with others. Just because you encounter people who are hostile, doesn't mean that you have to become so to defend yourself.

And, I've learned that if I go out and encountering more than the usual amount of negativity, maybe it's not them, it's me. [That means that it's time to regroup, and readjust my attitude!]

The tricky part for me is to go with my heart, care about people, and still protect myself against the occasional hardened troll who hates those of us who still can smile :-).

Another quote for the monitor and mirror ...

Quote on Loving...

Faith of The Heart

This picture immediately brought to mind the lyrics to the theme song of the TV show ST:Enterprise:

It's been a long road
Getting from there to here
It's been a long time
But my time is finally here

And I will see my dream come alive at last
I will touch the sky
And they're not gonna hold me down no more
No they're not gonna change my mind

'Cause I've got faith of the heart
I'm going where my heart will take me
I've got faith to believe
I can do anything

I've got strength of the soul
And no one's gonna bend or break me
I've got faith... I've got faith
Faith of the heart

Faith of The Heart

Evoking Wonder...

Blanket of stars against the night
Waiting for us to wrap ourselves in its beauty and power
and rest in our insignificance.

Go outside sometime, and look up at night. It is so beautiful, and it's a good reminder that there's more to life than us :-).

Image from: NASA's Astronomy Picture of the Day

Evoking Wonder...

Have You Ever Had A Difficult Day?

HERE'S my can of whoop-a$$!!

Have You Ever Had A Difficult Day?

A More Perfect Union...

A complex and compelling voice, speaking about the ugly, open secret that is racism in this country.

The link:

A More Perfect Union

My opinion on this speech is irrelevant. What is important is what you think and do about the issues that face us as individuals, as families, as a nation.

Do we continue to listen to the fear mongering, and stay in our bunkers, worrying about when 'they' are coming to get us?

Or do we operate from a place of trust and hope (scary stuff, I know, for those of us who are emerging from our shell)?

We've had years of inbred, insular thinking.

It's time to try something different.

No matter who you think can usher it in (Nader, 2008 - LOL!), go to the polls and vote for him/her.

Politicians are realizing that the people are waking up, and want something other than more than what they've had for the past eight years.

A More Perfect Union...

Possibilities Abound!

If you read my other blogs, you know that I [very] recently got a dog.

One of the things that I enjoy about babies is the idea of a fresh start. The idea of limitless possibilities that stretch out ahead, without the baggage that those of us who have been around a while have picked up.

Even dog babies :).

Although, when you think about it, even if the possibilities are not 'limitless', we can take our limited possibilities and do the best that we can with them.

Sort of like our own Kobayashi Maru test.

Do you believe in the 'no-win scenario'?

Possibilities Abound!

The Tale of The Wooden Bowl

I got this in my email...

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year old grandson.

The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered.

The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.

The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess.
'We must do something about Father,' said the son.
'I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor.'

So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner.
There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner.
Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl.

When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone.

Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.

The four-year-old watched it all in silence.

One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor.

He asked the child sweetly, 'What are you making?' Just as sweetly, the boy responded, 'Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up. '

The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.

The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless.
Then tears started to stream down their cheeks.
Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done.

That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table.

For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.

On a positive note, I've learned that, no matter what happens, how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles four things: a rainy day, the elderly, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

I've learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.

I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as making a 'life..'

I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.

I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you...
But, if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others,
your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.

I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.

I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.

I've learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone.

People love that human touch -- holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.

I've learned that you should pass this on to everyone you care about ... I just did.

The Tale of The Wooden Bowl

Kind people...

are kind.

Mean people are mean.

Don't confuse the two, even when they do something opposite of what they normally do.

One kind act doesn't make the mean person kind, neither does one mean act make the kind person mean.

Kind people...

People always...

believe that you will do what they will do in any given situation.

Which will tell you a lot about who/what you are dealing with.

Behave/respond/defend accordingly.

:-)

People always...

Just Because ...

you disagree with someone, it does not make them your enemy.

Just Because ...

Billion Dollar Obama Shocker...

[made you look, lol!]

In the interests of levity ... from the mind of Andy Borowitz [subscription information]

Cash-rich Obama Buys Yahoo

Outbids Microsoft for Internet Giant


Flush with cash after a deluge of online donations, Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill) stunned the business world today by outbidding Microsoft for the Internet giant Yahoo.

The purchase of Yahoo is believed to be the largest acquisition of a multibillion-dollar company ever by a Democratic presidential candidate, industry experts said.

A spokesman for Microsoft at the company’s Redmond, Washington headquarters acknowledged that the company was “disappointed” to lose Yahoo to Sen. Obama, but added, “We can’t really be mad at him, because we love him so.”

The news of Sen. Obama’s $48 billion offer for Yahoo sent a shudder through Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY)’s campaign, which for the past six weeks has been subsisting on Ramen noodles.

In his televised debate in Cleveland, Ohio with Sen. Clinton, Sen. Obama said that he was able to purchase Yahoo because his campaign was reaping online donations averaging $1.8 billion a day.

Mr. Obama also offered to “personally hire” 2 million Ohioans to do odd jobs around his campaign headquarters.

“People say, can we really come up with enough errands for 2 million Ohioans to do?” he said. “Yes we can.”

Massachusetts governor Deval Patrick praised Sen. Obama’s plan, telling reporters, “His campaign is more than just words, he is offering people a real opportunity to go on a Starbucks run.”

Sen. Obama later added, “My campaign is more than just words, I am offering people a real opportunity to go on a Starbucks run.”

Elsewhere, President Bush said that the economy was not in a recession, leading economists to conclude that the economy was in a recession.

Sign up today for your own Borowitz Reports, click the link below or paste it into your browser.

Subscribe

Billion Dollar Obama Shocker...

Creating a Path...

"As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives."
~Henry David Thoreau

It can be discouraging to attempt to make changes in your life, only to find yourself slipping back into old patterns.

It helps to keep the above quote in mind, so that you don't beat yourself up unnecessarily over your temporary setbacks. Reboot, and keep on going!

If you blow your stack over something unimportant, remind yourself nicely that you're not like that at all... and then ask yourself what was wrong that you lost it then... for example:

"Hmmm. Wow. That's not like me at all. What was going on, that I let ____ get to me like that?"

Many times, you'll realize that you were worried about something else, or it was something as simple as you were hungry, or needed a break, and were pushing on past the time to do those things [children aren't the only ones who throw temper tantrums when they are tired :)].

It also helps to set yourself up so that you will succeed. It can give you the space that you need to make the right [new programming] decision/action, instead of the wrong [old programming] decision/action. Removing temptations and replacing them with healthy choices works with more than just changing your eating habits.

As an example, if you find you usually feel stressed out when you have to wait on a long line at the post office, you may want, as much as possible, to go at non-peak times and days, order supplies and postage online, invest in a scale, and/or batch errands with someone who doesn't mind the post office. Maybe you can do something for them that they hate to do, that you don't mind.

My point is, that you have to figure out what your triggers are, and how to avoid and/or minimize them, so that you can continue to press forward toward your goals, without backsliding as often.

Creating a Path...

What've I Gotta Do To Make You Like Me?!?

I was driving home in the car earlier today, and Elton John's "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word" came on... and as I listened, I felt very sad.

Why?

Because many people [including me] feel/have felt the way this song goes... [My comments in brackets]

"What do I gotta do to make you love me ... [nothing]
What do I gotta do to make you care ... [nothing]
What do I do when lightning strikes me ... [!!]
And I wake to find that you're not there ... [go home from the hospital, and find someone else]

What do I do to make you want me [there's nothing you can do, dear... s/he either wants you, or they don't]
What do I gotta do to be heard [if they're not listening... fugeddaboutit!]
What do I say when it's all over [Goodbye? Good Luck?]
And sorry seems to be the hardest word [Hopefully, you learned something from the experience, and won't make the same mistakes again.]"

Honestly, obsessing over a failed relationship is not a good thing, and does not make you a martyr. It makes you obsessed, and it is ALL downhill from there. And YOU are the one that suffers.

Yes, I have made the mistake about caring about people who didn't care a whit about me, except to use me. After a while, I got it. Even though it hurt me, even though it cost me, it WASN'T ABOUT ME. It was about THEIR cluelessness, selfishness, and cruelty.

That didn't absolve me from responsibility of learning the lessons that these negative experiences held, to keep from making the same poor choices again.

What expectations was I bringing to the party, that caused it to turn out this way?

As I learn more about myself and human nature, a lot of my questions were answered. And I didn't always like the answers. They didn't line up with the self-image that I had built up of myself, and revealed darker parts of myself to me that I didn't care for.

On top of all that, they didn't make sense [!!].

For example, there's something [sorry, typo] nothing that you can do to 'make' people like you.

Yes, manners and thoughtfulness and courtesy can go a long way toward making friends and having people like you, however... people don't always like one another.

You know this.

Haven't you ever met someone, and something about them reminded you of someone that you disliked? It probably took a long time to get over that initial impression [if you ever did].

Even if the person in question never did anything to you.

So, that having been said, you can do everything right, and an individual can decide that they don't like you ... or don't like you anymore. And, many times, it has nothing to do with you. All you have to do with it is to accept it, and move on. If they are meant to like you, they will.

But to quote Gownron ... "Perhaps, but not today!"

What've I Gotta Do To Make You Like Me?!?

How Do You Do What You Do?

A friend recently asked me how I do all the things that I do (I was discussing the end of the nursing relationship with my youngest), because they felt that I was doing things that only someone in my precise situation [sahm, lots of children, homeschooler, etc.] could do.

I have to strongly disagree with that statement.

I know a woman who has more children than I do, and she went back to school, got her degree, got her medical degree and went through her medical internship. And no, her children weren't grown.

[!!]

The difference between me and the above-mentioned woman is FOCUS. Her focus was different than mine. [No value judgement here, different is not bad, or good... just different.] So she was able to achieve different things than me.

But she achieved her goal, and I achieved mine.

Focus requires that you make decisions.

Decisions to strip the unimportant, the trivial, the desired-but-not-really-necessary from your life.

You have to decide what is important to you and your family, what you can live with, and what you can't do without... in order to reach for what you want.

How Do You Do What You Do?

On Expectations...

No expectations of others.
Expect the best from yourself.
- LaVeda H. Mason

Simple words, yet difficult concepts to grasp and master. I can't even pretend that I even truly understand this one, yet.

The above simply came to me when I was dealing with my disappointed expectations of other people. It keeps hitting me, over and over again, that I expect people to be like me, to do what I would do.

That is where my disappointed expectations are coming from.

So, what I need to do is stop having expectations of people. This means that I need to pay very serious attention to what they actually *do*, and not what they say that they will do. (When it comes to body language and non-verbal communication, many times I am totally clueless. It's something that I am training myself not to be so oblivious to.) I also need to behave/act on the information that I glean from this, because it tends to be fairly accurate.

When dealing with myself, I need to hold myself to a higher standard, and while I know that I am not perfect, and never will be, I *can* always reach and stretch to learn more, and do better.

I also am learning not to expect people to be supportive of my efforts. It is so easy in this busy world that we live in, to get caught up in the 'busyness', until there is no time for deep, supportive relationships. Or, you may find that your friends and family are threatened by your moving forward (which is their issue, but it can still sting), and aren't supportive.

So, when you are moving forward in your great adventure, pack some good books, videos, and MP3s, because there will be stretches of time where the only person who will be watching your work is you, and you cannot let that discourage you, or stop you.

On Expectations...

Shifting Out of 'Victim Mode', Conclusion

Well, here we are - at the conclusion. It's been a lot of questions, and after asking yourself these hard questions, figure out what needs to be done next - THEN DO IT!

Don't allow your fear and procrastination to steal the benefit from what you've been through.

All of this can be difficult when you are in shock and/or pain. However, you can train yourself to do these things automatically, by acting on these guidelines with minor things that happen, eg., when the power goes out, the store is out of stock of something you needed, or a clerk acts like a jerk to you - and you didn't do anything wrong! Keep at it, until you find yourself reflexively looking for the benefit in every situation.

Shifting Out of 'Victim Mode', Conclusion

Here's A Question...

What are YOU afraid of?

By this, I'm not asking about your spider phobia, or how you don't like green ever since you had a plate of spinach dumped on you in the school cafeteria by a bully.

No.

I'm asking you what you are afraid of... that you don't do the things that you KNOW in your heart of hearts, that you 'should' do, are 'gonna' do, or 'wanna' do.

The things that, if you work them and learn and grow, will make your life better, healthier, smarter.

The answer to this question will tell you a lot about how you think, and the programming that you have accepted over the years.

SO, in case you forgot... I'll ask again:

What are YOU afraid of?

Here's A Question...

Shifting Out of 'Victim Mode', Part 2

Ask yourself:
What are you afraid of?
Honestly answered, this question can lead you to what needs to be changed, or what you really want.

Remember that no one else is perfect, either.
No matter how together they seem to have it all, everyone has fears and insecurities, and wants to be loved and accepted for who they are, not what they have or can do for others.

YOU ARE JUST AS GOOD OR BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE.
You have the ability to live a happy and fulfilled life.

The conclusion Thursday...

Shifting Out of 'Victim Mode', Part 2

Making The Shift Out of 'Victim-Mode'

How do you make the shift from 'victim-mode' after you've been hurt?
By understanding that refusing to be a victim does not mean that something bad didn't happen to you; that accepting your role in what happened doesn't make it your fault.

Train yourself to ask:
What benefit will result from this happening?

If you find yourself resisting, ask:
What stake do I have in things being the way that they are now?

More questions and thoughts tomorrow...

Making The Shift Out of 'Victim-Mode'

Forgiveness Is For You, Too!

On FLYLady's email list, today she posted a Sunday Musing called "Cut Your Losses". [to read it, you'll have to email me for a copy.]

In it, she talks about how important it is to get rid of all the clutter in our lives, not just the stuff. It may be someone who doesn't treat you right, or who is abusive.

She urges us to accept when we have made a mistake, correct it, forgive ourselves, and move forward from there.

Which actually leads me to another question:

Why is it so much easier to forgive someone who has made an honest mistake, than it is ourselves, under the same circumstances?

I mean, if someone made the exact same mistake, and they had acted in good faith, we would tell them not to beat themselves up, everyone makes mistakes, etc.

But when it's us, we are unforgiving of ourselves for being stupid, etc. Isn't it better to cut our loss, accept the 'course correction', and move on to bigger and better things, instead of endlessly berating ourselves for our error?

FLYLady has it right. We have to remember that we have value, as well... and that we deserve to be treated well, just like anyone else. It's something that is easy to forget, in the day-to-day care of other people.

What do you think?

Forgiveness Is For You, Too!

On Failure...

Quote:
Stumbling is not falling.

--Malcolm X

Something to think about, espcially since we live in a world where failure is to be avoided at all costs, where 'CYA' is a way of life at work, and to not be a 'success' is to be a loser, someone who does not have status or respect.

The strange thing about failure, is that we've been sold the falsehood about avoiding it. Mistakes and failures are course corrections, nothing more, they tell you which way is *not* the right way for you.

If you do any reading on the subject of failure, you know that *everyone* fails, *everyone* stumbles on the way to [eventual] success. As sure as you are here, you *will* fail, and remembering the above quote may help you to keep your 'head above water' and keep on plugging away at your dream.

"Stumbling is not falling."

On Failure...

Why Is it Important To Be Happy?

Here are several links to help convince you that being happy is good for you, your pocketbook, and your environment:

Scientific version:
Misery is not miserly: New study finds why even momentary sadness increases spending

Layperson version:
What You Spend, What You Eat: The Deep Connection Between Food and Personal Finance

Smartaleck version:
Retail Therapy Saves America

My version:
My Thoughts on Clutter: Clutter = Love

Why Is it Important To Be Happy?

Obligatory Valentine's Day Quote on Love :)

What is Love?

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision.

You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is.

Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.

Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."

- Captain Corelli's Mandolin

Obligatory Valentine's Day Quote on Love :)

On Guilt...

Yep, every now and then, guilt rears its ugly head in my life. For example, I had family members on vacation at my house for the past (almost) week.

Normally, when I know that I'm going to have company, I create a backlog of posts, and publish as needed (as all the probloggers recommend).

But this time, I got lazy.

I figured that I'd do 'old-school' blogging (write offline), and post it later on. Normally, I have plenty of time to myself to write (even when I have company), so what's the big deal?

The big deal is, when you are not prepared, Murphy comes to visit, and brings his younger brother Trouble.

So, for me, that meant that my full, focused attention was needed for the entire time that my guests were here. All I really had time for was to log into my account, and hit 'publish'. But because I wasn't prepared, I fell behind.

I hate that. And it is no one's fault but my own, because I know better than this. That's what I get for being lazy, albeit temporarily.

In addition to the backlog of work that has to be done, I feel guilty, because I committed myself to posting every day, and now I'm behind, and disappointed in myself.

Then I read this great post on guilt: How To Free Yourself From Guilt. And, while I can't say that I'm totally guilt-free now, I *can* say that I'm doing my best to be patient with myself as I work to change a lifetime of 'guilt habits' [smile]!

On Guilt...

On Becoming More Human...

A person has an inherent worth, independent of anything they may or may not do.

The difficulty, is in remembering that when someone has performed a particularly despicable and heinous act.

To do such terrible things have serious moral and social consequences, and those who commit such crimes will pay for them, but it is not a cause for rejoicing.

When we rejoice at anothers' pain, even if it is deserved, it makes us less empathetic, less joyful, less human.

We can, and should reflect on the circumstances and choices that brought an individual to this juncture, looking for a lesson that will serve us in our striving to become more human.

We can pity them... but we shall not dismiss them.
*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
Update: I came across this really great quote:
“Each of us has the capacity to see the beauty in another person regardless of their behavior or language. With this as a starting point, we can accept conflict as being an inevitable, normal and beneficial part of life.

There are specific ways of communicating that assist us to promote harmonious relationships with others. When we put these into practice, we will seek to behave in kind ways that benefit, not only others, but ourselves, as well.”
~Ron Scott

On Becoming More Human...

Have You Ever Noticed...

That one of the things that scare people the most is intelligence?

I think that it is really weird... being put off by someone who is smart? No way, man!

Why?

Because everyone is smart, in one way or another. Everyone you meet is smarter than you in some way, and you are smarter than everyone you meet in some way.

Some people are geniuses at cooking, but can't hammer a nail into a wall.

Some people can actually understand quantum physics, but can't spell.

And the tale of the super-genius that doesn't remember to came in out of the rain is legend.

So, what's up with hatin' on the smart folks? They have strengths and weaknesses, just like you!

Does anyone have an opinion on why this is so?

Have You Ever Noticed...

Women's Work and Respect...

Note: This was my response to someone who talked about their frustration with their 'lazy' dh, even though he works 70 hours/week. This was written some time ago, I don't have three children any more [smile]!

Subject:Lazy Husbands...(long)

Hi all!

I've been listening to this discussion, and I felt compelled to add my
02...(trying to keep it on topic, of course!)

First, I think that *everyone* who spoke on this issue made a valid
point...nagging won't help, it will only make the home atmosphere worse
(learned this one the hard way when my eldest lamb told her father after he
said that he'd get her breakfast, "no you won't, you're just going to go
back to sleep and forget about it!" Talk about being convicted about your
bad attitude!!!), and drive him further away...the man *does* have to work
to support the family, and if he is worried about $$$, I've noticed that
men tend to just work more and more to compensate for the perceived lack of
$$$.

My personal opinion is that most of us women with large families (although
mine is not that large, we're only expecting our fourth) do not expect our
dh to walk in the door and begin cooking, cleaning and changing diapers,
that would be ridiculous!!! However, what I know that I want is ***respect
for the work that I do to take care of the house***...with so many
children, you have to be a general when dh is not home, training the
children, teaching them (whether you homeschool or not), and simply
spending the time in raising them...not to mention the actual physical work
of picking up after, changing dirty diapers, cleaning up messes, etc.

My point?

Guys, there is nothing more aggravating than to spend time cleaning and
caring for the house and those children that outnumber you...the place is
cozy and inviting (finally!) and dh comes home, decides that he wants a
sandwich, and leaves bread, mayo, coldcuts, and knife on counter, crumbs on
(freshly washed) floor, and the plate that he ate off of somewhere in the
living room...does that say that you respect the effort that went into
making your home a good place to come home to? Would you go to someone
else's home and do that (if they allowed you to make a sandwich in their
kitchen)? No, of course not...so why do it to dw?

And to add insult to injury, the kids begin to pick up on this, and imitate
you...if *you* don't respect mom's work, why should they? And your dw
cannot very well say to the children (although she may want to [grin])"Do
what your Dad says, not what he does", because that weakens your authority,
Dad...and with 3, 4, 5 or more children in the house Mom needs Dad to have
all the authority that he is due.

A lot of times, women get upset about "lazy" husbands, when the real issue
is RESPECT...her work is not as "important" as his, because his brings in a
paycheck...but remember, it takes 2 to have and raise children...and if
something happened to dw, it would cost a fortune to have someone replace
her in the physical sense (cooking, cleaning, taking care of children,
making appointments, and all of those other thousand and one things that
are necessary to the smooth running of a household that one takes for
granted)...and of course, the love and affection is priceless and
irreplaceable (sp?).

In addition, another thing is that when you say that you will do something,
and then never get to it, it reduces your wife's trust in you. "Is this the
time he will really fix that thingamawhatsis, or is he just blowing smoke
again? Do I go ahead and just call the fixit guy?"...Do you do that at
work? To your friends? Even to strangers? Probably not...the people who
know you probably know you as a man of your word...someone to be counted
on...but does your wife, the person who you are supposed to cleave to and
forsake all others to be with? Do your children know you as a man of your
word, or are you just a guy wearing all the hair off the back of his head
watching TV/playing video games/using the computer when he is home?

I realize that when you work 70+ hours/week, it is hard to make time to do
things...but you did contribute to the children's [ahem] conception, did
you not? Not too busy to do *that*, are you? Then, just as a woman must
make the time to make herself appealing and her home inviting to her
husband, even if the baby did throw up on her five times today, and the
washing machine broke down, and she's suffering from
morning/afternoon/evening sickness, a man must make the time to be a
husband and father...no excuses...

Simply my .02...it can be hard some days all around...

LaVeda Mason

"When we accept tough jobs as a challenge to our ability and wade into them
with joy and enthusiasm, miracles can happen." -- Arland Gilbert

Women's Work and Respect...

Gratitude and Responsibility

“Feel gratitude that you have made it to this point and take responsibility for what comes next.”
~Dr. Sonya Friedman

I am grateful that I am here, now, at this time... in full possession of my faculties (although, there are some that would argue with that statement [lol]), and able to do whatever I need to do to achieve my goals.

Gratitude and Responsibility

Fairy tales...

Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed.
-- G. K. Chesterton.

Thank you, Brothers Grimm!

Fairy tales...

Today, I am grateful for...

Today, I am grateful that whenever it seems as though nothing is working out right, something happens to point me in the right direction.

Someone will help me, or give me information, or I'll stumble upon a website that has the answers to my questions, or information that I didn't even know that I needed!

Today, I am grateful for...

Sometimes, The Best Answer Is a Question...

I was reading Steven Barnes' blog, Dar Kush, and this post jumped out at me:

What Lies Do They Tell?
Excerpt:

"The ability to face fears, pains, betrayals, attacks, disappointments, without either losing your sense of personal power or considering yourself superior to others is the way to resolve those dualities and move on to the next level in your life. Every time you do it, you free up the energy invested in maintaining the artificial distinctions."

I couldn't have said it better myself. This is *exactly* where I am right now.

Go to the page and read the whole post... it's excellent. Here's the question of the day:

"Assume that every human being walking the planet feels two things:
1) Alone
2)Afraid
Choose someone in your life and apply the Question of the Day:

1) What do they do with their loneliness and fear?
2)What lies do they tell about it?"

I wish that I had been able to read this 25 years ago... I have done my best to treat people the way that I wanted to be treated... and while it worked most of the time, I would get blindsided by the occasional abusive person. This piece of wisdom fills in the gap... I can 'see' in my memory where if I had known this, I would have known to stay far away from the person in question, instead of continuing on, and getting hurt, or used.

This has also helped me to see where I am not consistent ... and to keep asking myself the right questions to root those inconsistencies out. Steve Barnes' blog is deceptive ... you'll be reading about political opinions, or yoga, or fighting styles, and then, next thing you know, you're reading something like the above piece that drops a key piece of the puzzle that you are working on into your lap. It is absolutely delightful; like finding diamonds in your favorite dessert :)!

The quotes above are from two days ago... but if you liked it, I recommend digging through the archives... 'Thar's gold in them thar ..." well, you know, lol!!

Sometimes, The Best Answer Is a Question...

I Am Grateful For...

the Internet.

For the price of a computer and an internet connection, I can learn more about any subject that I am interested in, as deeply as I want to learn about it, until my curiosity in it has been satisfied.

It gives me access to people who find humor in things that would normally make me tear my hair out, like computer problems and other failures.

And, most importantly, it enables me to feed and surround my mind with the thoughts of people that will encourage me to continually succeed, improve, and learn.

I Am Grateful For...

Quote on Choices

"The outer path we take is public knowledge, but the path with heart is an inner one. The two come together when who we are that is seen in the world coincides with who we deeply are. As we grow wiser, we become aware that the important forks in the road are usually not about choices that will show up on any public record; they are decisions and struggles to do with choosing love or fear; anger or forgiveness; pride or humility. They are soul-shaping choices."
~Jean Shinoda Bolen

Quote on Choices

The Problem With The Rat Race...

is that, even if you win...

Bad Day At The Office

you're still a rat.

~~ Lily Tomlin

I must admit, as I watched this, I started to cry.

People aren't meant to live like this. Is it any wonder why they snap?

The Problem With The Rat Race...

Self-Love

“If love is an action, how do you express self-love? Self-love starts with having the courage to be who you are, regardless of what others might think. It is about having the courage to live your dreams, to do what makes you happy in life, so that one day you won't wake up saying, ‘I wish I had.’ Self-love is about self-care, making your health a priority. Self-love is revealed in your willingness to stay focused on the things you say are important. It's about having the courage to set boundaries and protect them."
~Francine Ward

Exactly! It doesn't exclude others' needs... it makes certain that your needs are taken care of.

Women, in particular, have been sold a bill of goods that taking care of themselves, or setting and maintaining boundaries is selfish. Probably by those who wanted their needs and wants put first, whether it was appropriate or not.

One thing that I am most grateful for - and I didn't realize what a gift this was until recently - is that my parents did not manipulate me with guilt, etc.

When someone tries to use guilt to get me to do something, I immediately 'hear' - "this is something that you shouldn't be doing - this person is trying to manipulate you".

That is when I decide that I need to (urgently) go to the nearest store, and buy a pack of cigarettes, be right back!

I'm usually out of the house, in the car, and around the corner before they realize:

I don't smoke.

"HEY!!!! COME BACK HERE!!!!"

:grin:

Self-Love

On Being a Grownup...

Isn't it wonderful that we have choices?!? Now that you're a grownup, what choices do you make?

Talk amongst yourselves :)

On Being a Grownup...

:::Smacking Forehead:::

NOW I get it!!!

Check this out: Does Free Have Value?

And then ask yourself this question: What have you been giving away for 'free', that you should have been making people qualify for?

I'm sitting here thinking: love, trust, time attention, money, and trouble.

Do you care about people, and give of yourself freely?

Do you find that people simply take what you have to give, and walk away, often without so much as a 'thank you'?

And forget about a reciprocal favor, later. That doesn't happen, either.

Perhaps you should rethink your strategy. Stop giving so much of yourself without a price.

Remember, free has no value.

:::Smacking Forehead:::

Three Steps to Dealing With Emotional Pain

Emotional pain can be as debilitating - sometimes more debilitating - than physical pain.

It can make you feel that life is not worth living.

It can drive you to self-medicate - anything to make the pain go away - if only for a little while.

Christine Kane has an excellent article on what to do when you are having a bad day.

But what do you do when you are in emotional pain - when someone or something is hurting you, and the pain will not stop?

That's the hard part.

Human beings tend to shy away from people in pain; even though it is not contagious, we act like it is.

It is sheer cowardice on our part. Everyone has gone through 'the shadow' - where pain lives. And we don't like to think about the person that we become when we are in pain. We are not noble, courageous, or gracious... which is why someone who is that way under the burden of pain is so admired.

So… what can you do when you are in pain?

First - Face It - Admit to yourself, even if you can't admit it to anyone else, that you are in pain. Remember that denial is not just a river in Africa. If you absolutely must lie to everyone around you, at least don't lie to yourself. You'll be delusional then ;-).

Second - Figure it out - Why are you in pain? Is it physical? Is it emotional? What is behind it? Is it really about something someone did? Or is it about your disappointed expectations? What is really bothering you?

Third - Feel It - If you actually feel the pain, without trying to stuff it down, or medicate it away, when it subsides, it will actually be gone. The memory of what caused it will be there, to be sure, but the emotional impact of it will be greatly diminished. If you don't do this, it will come back... in a different form. And very often, it will actually manifest itself physically. In the form of headaches, stomachaches, nausea, insomnia, etc. ... you get the picture.

These three steps are hard, but you can get through the pain much faster than if you have a drink, a smoke, or go eat that cheesecake. All soothers just push the problem to another day, and weaken your strength of will and body.

And to answer your question, yes - it hurts like hell. Much the same way that a bandaged wound hurts to clean and change. But we all know that if we don't change the dressing and clean out the wound, what will happen.

Right. It gets infected and festers. And takes that much longer to heal. And when it does heal, it leaves a nasty scar behind.

But if you clean out the wound, even though it hurts to do it, it heals faster, and cleaner, and the scarring is not as great.

How do you positively cope with emotional pain?

Three Steps to Dealing With Emotional Pain

Breaking A Bad Habit in My Writing...

I had to decide why I wanted to write, and what I had to say. And then, I have had to discipline myself to write.

Every day. Whether I feel like it or not. Especially when 'not' is rearing its ugly head.

Some days, I read the other blogs in my niche, and I think "Why post? ____ said it (whatever I wanted to say) so much better." It can be daunting to compare yourself to

other people who are already doing what you want to do.

One of the bad habits that I am breaking, is comparing myself to other people. The funny thing is, I can only be me. Not you, my best friend, or anyone that I am trying to emulate (in terms of success). That way lies madness.

Another thing that I am trying to do is not listen to the voices.

Yes. The voices.

You know the voices that I'm talking about. You hear them too. Don't deny this. I won't believe you.

The voices that say:

"You'll never be as good as they are."

"No one wants to hear what you have to say."

"You're crazy to even try."

And when I am tired, or feeling blocked, the voices get louder, and more insistent.

"Don't bother. It's a waste of time."

"It doesn't matter if you get it done or not... no one is reading your stuff anyway."

"One day off won't hurt."

You have to remember that you don't do this because your friends and relatives read your stuff. Remember that the people that you love and respect won't always 'get' what you do, they'll get busy with their own lives, won't return your phone calls sometimes, or aren't interested in that amazing insight that you had.

They may have been the catalyst, but you have to have the fuel for your own fire, or your work will suffer.

Everyone (including you) has a voice. Something that only you can say. That will reach someone who needs to hear what you have to say.

Will you say it?

Breaking A Bad Habit in My Writing...

Haaaaaaaaawww, Yeeeeeee! (Back to the Past... AGAIN!!)

Well, my new setup won't work properly with a Mac. I can surf, but I can't download, so OS updates are out.

So I've cancelled the service and the line port to the cell company. (I'm going to need the line for dialup.)

Well, it was great while it lasted.

Back to downloading at the public library. Oh, well.

[This post was transmitted with dialup... sigh]

Haaaaaaaaawww, Yeeeeeee! (Back to the Past... AGAIN!!)

Someone once told me...

that time was a predator that stalked us all our lives. 

But I'd rather believe that time is a companion, that goes with us on the journey, that reminds us to cherish every moment, because it will never come again. 

What we leave behind, is not as important as how we've lived. After all, ... we're only mortal.
-- Jean Luc Picard, Star Trek Generations
 

Someone once told me... 

Yeeeee Haaaaawwww!!

Well, I went back to my friendly neighborhood wireless provider, and was able to get a phone that I could use as a wireless modem. After about an hour, we were able to determine that it would connect with my Mac... whee!

Since the line was getting longer, I decided to tinker at home with the settings, to get it to actually connect. After 10 minutes on hold for Advanced Technical Support [see tech geek with cape here, proud and free], I was up and running!

WHEEEEE!!!!!

Not only do I have wireless internet, according to the phone screen, I have BROADBAND!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

So.... guess what I am grateful for *today*, lol?!?

[This post was transmitted via wireless broadband... whee!!]

Yeeeee Haaaaawwww!!

Surprises Can Be Fun!!

While I was reading my email, it started to snow here. I haven't seen real snow here in the entire 7+ years that I have been here, so for a few of the children, they have actually not seen snow in person before.

Watching them enjoy the snow, which was falling in giant clumps, sticking, and piling up on the ground (at least for now), was so much fun, that I decided to join them. My excuse? I was mediating the snowball fight... but of course, I got in a few licks (all while blaming another child, of course [evil grin])!

Another moment in time, just the end of another day... I love my children!!

Surprises Can Be Fun!!

100 Years...

I heard 100 Years by Five for Fighting on the radio, and I thought of a friend who is struggling. Lyrics are below the post.

I didn't really have the words to comfort them, because the struggle is as much a part of us as being born, breathing, and dying.

Grieving the time past is a natural and normal part of getting older, our mortality is part of who we are as human beings. (You just can't let it immobilize you!)

Examining your past achievements and failures is a good way to move forward in a positive way into the future, and self-examination helps you to stay on track to what you *really* want to be/do/achieve.

The lesson here?

If there is something that you want to do, figure out what is necessary to get it done, and DO IT.

Travel, save the whales, run for office, start a family, take belly-dancing lessons … whatever it is, whatever you want, you CAN have it.

If you are willing to work for it, save for it, plan for it.

If you love someone, tell them. Whether it's your spouse, your parent, or your friend. You never know the last time that you will see someone. If someone has made your life better because you knew them, tell them so. You never know the struggles that someone is going through, your telling them may encourage them to keep going.

We are born, we are young, we are older, and before we know it, we have families, responsibilities, and duties. While we are dealing with those day-today things, time is mercilessly marching on. We look up again, and we've been on the job/in the industry ten years. Fifteen years. Twenty years. Time to retire. In a few years, if it is meant to be, we'll be 100.

And what have we done?

Are we better people than we were all those years ago? Are we wiser? Are the people around us better people because of our influence?

Do the people who matter most to you KNOW THAT? Do you tell them AND show them how important they are?

We are all dying. Seize the day. It's later than you think.


"100 Years" [thanks to Solomon Broad for the song link]

I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man, but you see I'm a they
A kid on the way
A family on my mind

I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy, Time to lose yourself
Within a morning star

15 I'm all right with you
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

Half time goes by
Suddenly you're wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...

I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

15 there's still time for you
22 I feel her too
33 you're on your way
Every day's a new day...

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

Link to these lyrics: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/fiveforfighting/100years.html
Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/

[This post was transmitted with dialup... sigh]

100 Years...

Monday, January 14, 2008

Gentle Reader:

Today, I walked for a mile with a friend, made plans to start a small business, had lunch, and ran a few errands. Not much accomplished today, I'm afraid...

Oh, yes.

I decided that it was time to stop holding back, to stop stifling myself, because of what people might think about me. To tell the truth, and not just politely nod when people say outrageous things.

So, it may get a little more interesting in the coming weeks, as I relearn to write the way that I speak in the real world. (Those of you who know me IRL, you'll know when I hit my stride, lol!!)

Put your seatbelts on, and hang onto your hats - it's gonna be a wild ride!!

Monday, January 14, 2008

Today …

I will allow myself to feel painful emotions, without trying to push them away.

I will allow myself to feel the pain of failure, but I will move on, knowing that I learned something valuable from the experience (even if I don't know what it is yet).

Even if I am in pain, I will smile and be pleasant, because, after all, other people didn't do anything to me, why take it out on them?

I will be patient and kind to those less beautiful than I am [tossing hair]... just kidding, just checking if you were still with me, lol!!

However, I will be patient and kind to everyone that I come into contact with, because they are human beings with feelings too.

Have a great day!!

Today …

More on Fear…

This should have been posted ages ago… I know that I am still working on the Emotional Fear articles. 

This is actually pretty funny (strange). 

When it comes to physical stuff, I have no irrational fears (unless you count my fear of waterbugs, which my children love to pick on me about). 

I won't tell any stories about adventures that I have had, except to say that I have complete and unshakeable faith in my (admittedly imperfect) body and it's ability to do what I need it to do. 

But emotionally? I have discovered that there are many things that scare me to death. One by one, I have been facing them, and I'm finding that emotional stuff is 1000X worse than physical fear. 

Even when you know what you are facing, and the potential outcome(s), using my 'formula' in the Litany Against Fear, it still can leave you shaking in the corner, not doing the things that you know need to be done. 

Even when the cost of not doing them is extremely high. 

So, I will keep working on this; if you have any insights that you'd like to share, please post them in the comments, or email me at wyrdsmith at laveda dot info. 

More on Fear…

Driving in The City Today…

I had a few things to pick up, and, as always, it took me longer than I thought to get what I had to do done.

On the way home, the sky was awash in pinks and purples, while I was surrounded by the beautiful jewel-tone colors of the lights of traffic: emerald 'go' lights, ruby 'stop' lights, and citrine 'caution' lights.

Oncoming cars and trucks yielded beautiful, multi-carat diamonds, sparkling as I passed them. It was striking, and I thought that, in their own way, they were as beautiful as the stars in the sky much later at night. Sigh.

So, what have you been up to today?

Driving in The City Today…

PC v Mac? No Contest!!

A British blogger, Jonathan at PluggedOut.com, says it best when he discusses the PC v Mac competition:

"For many years I never understood the appeal of Apple Mac computers. I viewed Mac zealots as simpletons who were afraid of the tinkering you could/had to do with Windows machines.

Then I grew up. I got older. My spare time became more valuable - no longer could I warrant spending an entire evening running virus scans, firewall updates, registry sweeps, spyware scans, and defragmentations. I wanted something that I could switch on, use, and switch off. Something convenient, reliable, well made, dependable.

I bought a Mac."

And the choir said, "AMEN!!"

PC v Mac? No Contest!!

Around The Corner…

This is a poem that I like, that helps me to remember who and what is most important, and to keep in touch with them. So, without chain email coercion and threats, here it is…

Around The Corner

Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.

And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell.

And he rang mine but we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.

"Tomorrow" I say! "I will call on Jim
Just to show that I'm thinking of him."
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.

Around the corner, yet miles away,
"Here's a telegram sir," "Jim died today."
And that's what we get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished friend.

Remember to always say what you mean.
If you love someone, tell them.
Don't be afraid to express yourself.
Reach out and tell someone what they mean to you.

Because when you decide that it is the right time it might
be too late.

Seize the day. Never have regrets.
And most importantly, stay close to your friends
and family, for they have helped
make you the person that you are today.

- by Charles Hanson Towne

Around The Corner…

How To Be a Successful Evil Overlord

You know, StumbleUpon is like crack… I've said it before. But, like a good little addict, when I'm feeling blocked, I'll do some stumbling, because at the bare minimum, I always find something that makes me laugh until my abs hurt.

Today, I stumbled across:

How To Be a Successful Evil Overlord

I must admit, I found myself nodding at many of the ideas, such as:

"50: # My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks."
[Linux?]

and

"11:# I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat." [Hear *that*, Batman? Word to the wise…]

What this list boils down to is:

Look down the road for problems, and prepare for them.
Listen to your trusted advisors.
Don't give the enemy an opening.

Sounds like good advice, whether or not you decide to become an evil overlord (or a benevolent ruler, lol!!)

How To Be a Successful Evil Overlord

Today…

I'm not feeling all that pulled-together. I'm feeling like a failure, because I look at my life, and don't feel that I have accomplished anything.

So, what am I grateful for?

The movie … The Wizard of Oz.

?!? … I can hear you thinking, lol! ... Yes, The Wizard of Oz.

Why?

Because the story reminds me that the feminine is about relationships, and connections (which is what I'm currently doing now), not necessarily about achievement and acquisition.

And, even though you may work and have a life outside the home, where you receive accolades and awards, and where you are continually stroked and flattered…

THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME.

No matter what else is going on, it is home that gives us our greatest fulfillment.

Think about it.

We see celebrities who appear to have it all… youth, looks, money, attention, and resources. But their lives are a car wreck that we cannot seem to look away from.

I'm not naming any names, but you know who they are (and there are more than one of them).

For whatever reason, their personal life is a mess… their home is not in order.

The part of "home" that grounds you, and gives you the strength to keep going when things are not going as you would like, is missing, or broken.

It helps me to remember that I should not envy anyone. Sometimes, when I find out what a person has to deal with in their life, I realize that I don't want what they have … the cost is too high. And I am content with my life as it is (at least for a little while ;->)!

Today…

How Hard Is It To Make a Decision?

“It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are."
~Roy Disney

Very true... The trick is in knowing what your values are.

Yours.

Not your parents', your neighbors', your friends' or your boss'.

Yours.

And then, deciding that you are willing to live by your values, even if it means that you have to change things about your life.

Like who you hang out with, or work for.

Do you have the courage it takes to arrange your life around your values?

How Hard Is It To Make a Decision?

The Beauty of Wonder… And of Children

Quote:

“Be aware of wonder. Live a balanced life--learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.”
~Robert Fulghum

This one goes on the cover of my gratitude journal. I think that wonder is the twin of joy.

Today, I am grateful for my children... they keep my eyes open to the wonder all around me. They also are open-hearted, and keep my heart from crusting over entirely when someone hurts me by their coldness and cruelty. They remind me that everyone starts out the same way, open and innocent. And they remind me constantly of what I've been teaching them.

That people are important.

And that loving people is not easy, but it is worth the time, effort, patience, and trouble, even when the love is not reciprocated.

Someone once said something to the effect that the amazing thing is not that adults make children, but that children make adults. This is so deep, and so true.

The Beauty of Wonder… And of Children

New Habits…

It is the fourth day of the year, and I'm doing okay with my stated goal... in fact, no one has asked me anything, so that makes it easy. I just do my best to not volunteer information, or overexplain.

Someone once said, "You would care less about what other people thought about you, if you know how seldom they did."

After I've been working on this habit for 30 days, I'm going to add another habit to work on to the list. By years' end, hopefully, I'll have several new, good habits improving my character and personality :-).

How are you doing on your new habits?

New Habits…

Gratitude Journal

Well, I've finally started a gratitude journal. I had been noting to myself, all the small, wonderful things that are all around.

But I hadn't thought to actually write them down. So, after Christine Kane's post about delight, and her suggestion to start a journal, I did.

The thing that I'm grateful for today, is the Internet. It allows me to keep in touch with so many of my friends, near and far, without running up a huge long distance bill (something, I daresay, that my dh is grateful for, lol!!).

I am also grateful for friends that encourage me, even though sometimes I doubt myself. I am also grateful for friends who will tell me when they think that I'm heading the wrong way, or that I have spinach in my teeth (discreetly, while handing me a napkin and a toothpick).

Gratitude Journal

My Thoughts on Clutter: Clutter = Love

In the New York Times Well blog, there is a discussion about dealing with clutter going on in the comments.

I'm not sure if it is simply that people are more open about this problem (because I remember hearing about ladies who hoarded cats when I was a child), or if the problem has developed greater proportions, but it seems that clutter and hoarding is a real problem in the US.

My take on it is that as we have become more affluent, we have disconnected more and more from the people around us - neighbors barely know each other anymore, and while everyone is a 'friend', no one keeps in touch, or knows what is really going on in one anothers' lives. In a lot of ways, to a lot of people, co-workers have become the new 'family' - and we all know how dyfunctional some families are :->.

Even with our children - our society today makes it very easy to almost never interact with your own children if you don't want to, and still look like a 'good' parent. Private schools, tons of extracurricular activities designed to keep the young ones busy and out of your hair, while you 'do your own thing'.

It's at the point that even the church divides up families according to age for Sunday School, and looks at you oddly when you question the status quo. "Don't you want a break from your children?" seems to be the question.

And this attitude spills over into everything else. Why spend time talking to your parents? Or taking care of them when they get sick? Don't we have professionals for that?

The simple act of listening to someone in pain seems to have been replaced by psychotherapy (I don't doubt that there is a need for it sometimes, I just think a lot of the time, a friends' empathy will do the trick, before the 'big guns' come out)…

There is a serious disconnect between our heads and our hearts today.

We have outsourced our love, caring, and simple, old-fashioned empathy for one another to professionals, who really don't care. They can't… or they would burn out and go insane, too.

So, what's left?

Our stuff.

That trophy from the time that your team won the Big Game.

A physical reminder of a time when you felt great, powerful, alive and perfect, if only briefly.

The dishes that belonged to your grandmother, and even though they are chipped and stained, you remember the times that you sat around her table at Thanksgiving and basked in the warmth of the camraderie of family.

That stuffed animal that your old boyfriend, what's-his-name gave you. It didn't work out, but there were no hard feelings, and when you look at it, it makes you smile.

The things that won't leave you. Even though the people attached to them did.

Whether it was distance, divorce, or death, by their choice or not - they are gone.

But the memories - embodied by the stuff - remains to comfort those left behind.

This is what I think causes the clutter for a lot of us... in the absence of strong, accepting relationships, we accept the superficial nature of the relationships we have, and develop deep ties to our stuff.

The stuff which won't leave us, or forsake us. It 'loves' us anyway, even though we are not perfect, if that makes any sense.

When you look at it in the hard, cold, light of day, it is obviously not right to love stuff more than people. But many do, because it is the only relationship that doesn't hurt, at least on the surface.

But the clutter does hurt. It keeps others out of our lives, because we are afraid. Afraid to let people in, to see the real us, because others have hurt us before.

And our stuff won't do that. [Right about here, I feel like saying, "My precioussssss"!]

So, we keep our stuff, even when it's broken, or useless, or costing us money.

It's amazing, the depth of the human heart to love.

And, in the absence of human, reciprocal love, we'll turn to stuff.

Think about it. The people who obsess about celebrities, who stalk them, etc.

They objectify the person that they desire... that person becomes part of their stuff (but not usually in reality), if only by the information and collectibles gathered, they have a connection to that person, no matter how nebulous or tenuous.

Anyway, so tell me what you think… why are people so attached to their stuff? Is it simply mental illness? Or is it a deeper, heart craving for closeness to real, living human beings?

My Thoughts on Clutter: Clutter = Love

Greetings of the New Year!!

Here's a quote to remember:
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. - Aristotle

So, here we go. It is the first day of the year, and my plan is to repeatedly make choices that reinforce my boundaries, and achieve the goals that I have set for myself this year.

[Drumroll]
My Primary Goal of 2008

I am developing the habit to say less, not more. To stop explaining my actions and decisions to everyone who asks.

This one is a biggie for me. I have somehow developed the (nasty) habit of answering everyone's questions about my life, actions, and choices, whether it is their business or not. Whether I really want to answer them or not. That stops now. No more explaining. 'Nuff said!!

Do any of you have the same problem?

Greetings of the New Year!!

Twenty One Ways To Make Your Life Better in The New Year…

I love the (often true) sentiments expressed in chain letters; I hate (with a passion) the coercive 'pass this on or something bad will happen to you' stuff associated with them. So, for your (non-coercive) enjoyment, here's 21 ways to make your life better in the coming year…

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.

FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.

SIX..! Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say "God bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson .

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

And, if you've read this far... thank you for reading my blog this year. This post marks almost four months of blogging.

From me and my family to you and yours, have a safe and Happy New Year!!

:::waving:::
'See' you next year!!!

Twenty One Ways To Make Your Life Better in The New Year…

This Is The Last Weekend of The Year…

So, it is time to sit down and lay out what my goals are for next year.

There's so much to choose from. Where do I want to focus my energies? And what price do I want to pay to do it?

The coming end of this year stirs a feeling of anticipation:

What is this new year, 2008, going to be like?
Will it be a year of triumph and achievement?
Or will it be a year of struggle, solitude, and growth?

Either can be good. I'm looking forward to the coming year.

What are *you* planning for 2008?

This Is The Last Weekend of The Year…

Winter Holidays and Goals for Next Year…

It is that time of year again, where the fresh, new calendar beckons, and the old one can be placed in the trash, the failures of the past wiped away.

I look at my calendar, and realize that another year has gone by. During this year, for me, there have been some lessons learned, some triumphs, and some tragedies. Now that the New Year is almost upon me, there is the hope of doing things differently, so that I don't get the same results that I got this year.

But, I don't believe in New Years' Resolutions. Not anymore.

It's just a setup for failure. So, I'm setting up for myself smaller goals that build upon one another to achieve the big goals that I intend to hit during the year.

The word this year is "habits". Habits to improve my blogs, and my writing, both in quality and quantity.

That's all done (the habit-setting), and I have begun working on them already. And, one of biggest goals is NOT to be a workaholic. To stop, and rest when I need to, and to enjoy my family and friends more.

What are YOUR goals for the coming year(s)?

Winter Holidays and Goals for Next Year…

Your Talent…

Ok, after my last rant about religion, I come across this story:

A Pastor's Challenge Shocks Congregation

This is what religion is supposed to be about!

Kudos to this pastor and his congregation!

The most obvious question is:

What can/will you do with your talents?

Your Talent…

Free Yourself From Procrastination!

I've got a formidable to-do list for my goals in the next 2-5 years. And, sometimes, when I think about all that needs to be done, I want to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head. While reading my feeds, I came across this excellent article:

Whether you consider yourself an occasional procrastinator or a terminal one, getting stuck in the mud - paralyzing your ability to act - sometimes happens. While it’s certainly useful to explore the reasons behind persistent procrastination patterns and resolve them, this article is intended to offer you 8 smart reminders to free you up and get you moving again. Here they are:

Go here to read the rest!

Free Yourself From Procrastination!