Does Your Behavior Line Up With What You do?

First, a joke:

A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life ' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally ... I assumed you had stolen the car."




The first time that I saw this joke, I laughed. It *is* pretty funny. However, since I have been doing more thinking lately, I realize that it is a funny take on an old problem. You can substitute any moral/religious path symbols for the Christian symbols, and it would still be funny.

The first thing that I learned is that instead of simply wrapping ourselves in the ideological 'flags' of our miscellaneous beliefs, maybe we could try picking up a trait that is mentioned in those beliefs, and working on developing that trait within ourselves.

One of my bad habits (lately) has been to assume the worst about why someone did (or didn't) do something. I used to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Now, I tend to doubt the benefit of giving!

I have been working on becoming more like the person that I used to be five years ago, with the wisdom of the person that I am today. It is not easy, by any stretch of the imagination, but it is worthwhile. I tend to like myself and others more, when I lighten up and let people be people, and make mistakes.

The second thing that I learned from this joke is that we are too busy, too rushed. Our lives are crowded with too much stuff, both physical, and emotional, that are not important to us. Then we find ourselves frantically stepping through the day to bed, day in and day out. This is probably the reason that when we become grownups, time seems to go by so much faster than when we were children. There is so much more to do, to see, to take care of, you know the drill.

Can we remove things from our lives that take us away from our families? Only we can stop the endless merry-go-round. To take the time to actually *live*, so that we are not rushing, and stressing over every single thing that happens that we don't like.

For example, using the example of the joke and the trait that I am working on, if the person in front of me is not moving as fast as I would like, I take a deep breath and remember that the person in front of me is driving at the speed that they are comfortable with, and they are not driving slowly specifically to inconvenience me :-).

If I am running a little late, I try to be grateful that this person is in front of me, reminding me to slow down/obey the speed limit, and perhaps they saved me from an accident, or a speeding ticket, or worse.

I'll admit, when I'm rushing and stressed, it can sometimes be difficult to remember this, but it is something that I'm remembering more as time goes on.

But, back to the subject line... When you respond to an irritant, can people see that you actually live the way that you say that you believe? (And, no, it doesn't matter whether the other person knows you or not... YOU know you!)

Does Your Behavior Line Up With What You do?

Why and How to Deal With Adversity

Adversity: [noun] a stroke of ill fortune; a calamitous event; "a period marked by adversities"

Everyone acknowledges that adversity is a force that reveals your inner strengths and weaknesses. But, everyone also agrees that they don't want to go through it, even knowing that it will, in the end, be a beneficial experience for them.

Why?

Because dealing with adversity involves struggle, effort, time, money, trouble and worst of all, pain. And we will do almost anything to avoid pain in our lives. When you are actually going through adversity, it is akin to being on a ship on the high seas during a storm - the rain is pelting you from all sides, visibility is pretty much zero - and all that you can do is batten down the hatches and hold on until the storm is past, and you can survey the damage.

Once the storm clears, and you can see daylight again, and take inventory of what was lost and needs repair or replacing. Usually, it was something that either:
a) needed to go, but you hadn't gotten around to clearing it, or
b) something that you were holding on to, something counter to your goals and needs, that you didn't want to let go of.

In either case, it was something that needed to be pitched overboard :-)!

During adversity, fear rears its ugly head. And, in acting from that fear, you can sometimes make things worse, instead of allowing events to prune unnecessary things from your life.

What can you do for someone going through hard times?

Be there for them. Different people need different things. Some people need to retreat, others need to socialize, others need to vent. Be aware of your friends needs, and try to meet them where they are.

Listen, really listen to them. Sometimes all they need is a sounding board to help them figure things out. Don't offer advice unless it is solicited (boy, I've messed up on this on big time over the years); they will work it out in their own time. What is obvious to you, is not necessarily obvious to them right away... give it time. Once they are out of the woods, to (ab)use a cliche, they will see the trees just fine :-).

How can you handle adversity better?

By preparing for it when you are enjoying good times. By building your habits and character so that when the storms reduce your visibility, you will still have a heading that you can point toward.

Your habits (eating right, exercising, practicing your spiritual path) will help keep your body and mind in good shape to deal with what's going on with the least amount of stress.

You personality habits will help you make decisions based on your integrity and principles, not just what everyone else is doing, or seems convenient or feels good at the time. In many ways, these preparations will blunt the force of the trauma of what you are dealing with, because you do not have to think about every single decision that needs to be made ... you will be following your principles on autopilot.

As Oliver Wendell Holmes said:
"If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it round. Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for you'll see a lot of it and had better be on speaking terms with it."

©2007 LaVeda H. Mason All Rights Reserved.

Why and How to Deal With Adversity