Weed Lady

This Book Belongs on Your Bookshelf (and in your hand, too!)

wyrdsmith@laveda.info (LaVeda H. Mason) — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 16:15:00 +0000

Personal Development for Smart People is aptly named. It is not a book for the apathetic, the oblivious, or the stupid.

The first part of this book takes you through the core principles of becoming a whole person, and then, in the second section, it walks you through the practical aspects of applying what you have (hopefully) learned in the first part.

This book revealed to me that while I have enough self-improvement to work to keep me busy (and out of peoples' hair) for a long time, I am on the right track for great many other things, and I need to find people to spend time with, that will encourage me to become a better person.

This book needs to be on your bookshelf and read at least once a year (preferably more often).

Think of it like this...

In ten years, you will be ten years older.

But, if you read Steve's book, think and apply the principles, in ten years you will be ten years older; but also wiser, more loving, enlightened, and accepting of both yourself and others.

Which will put you light-years ahead of the pack.

I say without hysteria or hyperbole, that this is the best, most useful book that I have ever read in the self-development field. (And I have read a lot.)

An 'instant classic'... one that was decades in the making.

Well done, Steve.

Learning From The Financial Crisis...

wyrdsmith@laveda.info (LaVeda H. Mason) — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 03:51:00 +0000

Here are the keys to financial freedom, and (eventual) wealth:

1) Don't spend all that you earn. Save some for a rainy day.

2) If you don't have the money to pay cash, you can't afford it. Save (#1) until you can.

3) Buy the least expensive, quality item that will do the job. Quality only has to be purchased once.

4) Give to others, and allow others to give to you. What goes around, comes around, and all that.

5) Remember, you only have to get through today... so plan for tomorrow, and let it go.

What else am I leaving out?

Remembering to Breathe

wyrdsmith@laveda.info (LaVeda H. Mason) — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 11:45:00 +0000

Christine Kane recently wrote a blog post on the importance of expanding, especially when you are feeling shrinky.

This is so true.

If your focus becomes fractured by distractions, you will not achieve your goals.

Photo by SmellyKnee

'Fractured?' you say. 'Fractured' by what?

Problems on the job.

Arguments with loved ones.

Money issues.

And the million and one other things that interfere with your focus in day-to-day living.

And even if you know this, when you are in the trenches, it is incredibly easy to lose sight of the goals that you have set for yourself.

Especially when, on some days, it seems like Murphy came and brought his whole family *and* their luggage!

All in the hopes of distracting you from your goal.

Photo by Sami Keinanen

Why?

Because if you can be distracted from it, you probably don't want it all that much.

?!? ...

Yes, it's true.

Admit it to yourself.

The things that you wanted, really and truly wanted, you focused on, and did not let them slip through your fingers without a serious fight. The things that you 'kinda-sorta' wanted, drifted away without much of a struggle, as you let the rest of your life distract you from it.

And here's the thing:

The moment that you decide that you want something, *anything*, is when your desire and focus will be tested.

And that is when *you* have to decide what is important to you, and what you are willing (and not willing) to do to reach your goals.

Speaking of 'reaching for your goals'...

Check out Christine Kane's newest blog, BeMyRecordLabel.com, where *you* and *your* opinion can be part of the creative process of her newest album in production! Way cool! And the songs are great, too :wink:!

Death and Love

wyrdsmith@laveda.info (LaVeda H. Mason) — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 23:44:00 +0000

There has been a death in the family recently, and everyone is dealing with the loss in his or her own way.

The part that is most upsetting about when someone dies is that there are no more opportunities to 'make things right'.

They are gone, and whatever the state of your relationship when the person dies, that is the way it remains. Many people cannot handle that, especially when they have put off saying the hard things, like 'I love you', and 'I'm sorry'.

Photo by: Jim Gordon

One of the things that I have a hard time with is trying to keep up with people, to tell them how I feel about them and what they mean to me, and to apologize when I need to - without my ego getting in the way.

So far, I have been mostly successful in doing this; being emotionally transparent, while difficult, makes things a LOT easier when someone passes away... while the pain (of loss) is still there, the guilt (of not saying/doing things) is not.

Lesson here: Tell the people that you love that you love them. More importantly, SHOW them that you love them.

And don't wait until they are at death's door, either.

Remember, the sick are not always closest to death.

RIP, Randy Pausch

wyrdsmith@laveda.info (LaVeda H. Mason) — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 15:23:00 +0000

Randy Pausch passed away earlier today.

RIP. And thank you.

More On Taking Over The World!

wyrdsmith@laveda.info (LaVeda H. Mason) — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 21:30:00 +0000

Seeing the light by Me

Today, I found the site The Art of Nonconformity, written by Chris Guillebeau.

If you are interested in living a life without being limited by others' limitations, read this blog!

And, be sure to download his Manifesto, A Brief Guide to World Domination, it is short and to the point.

What will you learn by reading it?

The Two Most Important Questions in the Universe
Why Ruling and Changing the World are Interrelated
The Clear Alternative to Being Unremarkably Average
True Stories from Zen Habits, Kiva, Randy Pausch, and more
The Most Important Work We Can Do
Life Lessons from My Singapore Airlines flight to Tokyo

So, take my advice and download this one, and keep reading the blog too!

Interesting Quotes...

wyrdsmith@laveda.info (LaVeda H. Mason) — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 11:31:00 +0000

Alice came to a fork in the road.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat.
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
~Lewis Carroll

"If you don't know where it is, you can't get there from here."
~ Unknown

Well, It's May...

wyrdsmith@laveda.info (LaVeda H. Mason) — Thu, 29 May 2008 02:40:00 +0000

and for the most part, my spring garden is planted. In late March, I began the task of selecting plants.

As I wandered through the local garden stores, all kinds of vegetables caught my eye, and I purchased with glee, looking forward to having fresh vegetables that I didn't have to pay an arm and a leg for; especially veggies like bell peppers... if they are green, they are expensive. If they are yellow or red, the price climbs to obscene levels. They actually cost more than meat... what are they doing, mining them like coal?

Anywhoo.

So, I'm in the stores, happily buying cantaloupes, watermelon, cucumbers, sweet potatoes, and herbs.

And, oh yeah.

Tomatoes.

What kind of garden is it without tomatoes? If you look through the gardening catalogs, you will see that there is a tomato in almost every color under the sun.

Fortunately, my gardening ignorance is being mitigated by my neighbors, who have assisted me every step of the way ("Do I spread the lime on the ground clockwise or counterclockwise?"), so I have a list of the types of tomatoes that do well for this area.

But, as you know, the only way to create a fool-proof plan is to eliminate the fool.

Heh.

Armed with my list, I buy the tomatoes on it. Celebrity, Best Boy, and Homestead. I also pick up some Golden Delicious (a yellow tomato), because it actually gave me three tomatoes last year, when the rest of my garden went AWOL and turned into a weed patch.

I plant my tomatoes (with instructions followed), and pick out the suckers, and trim them so that I can weed around them. I am rewarded with lush, beautiful-looking tomato plants, full of blossoms, and little tomatoes. And that's when I realize that they need to be staked.

No problemo, thought I. I'll head over to Wal-Mart, and pick up some stakes, and tie them up.

When I get to Wal-Mart, I realize that I don't have a clue as to how many tomatoes I have, so I call home, and asked one of the girls to go outside and give me a head count (so to speak).

75 red tomatoes of various kinds.
25 yellow tomatoes ... and two more pots of tomatoes staked on the front and back decks.

!!!

I bought and planted a lot, thinking that my Black Thumb™ would kill off most of them, and I'd have a few left to eat, can, etc.

I have 100 tomato plants (!!!), and while I figured out what it is going to take to keep the plants off the ground once they start bearing heavily (No one has that many stakes in stock; and I wasn't going to drive across three counties trying to buy up tomato stakes when gas is $4/gallon!), I have learned two valuable lessons:

One: Never shop while you're hungry. Experienced gardeners know that even if you have a large family (which I have), you don't need a whole lot of tomato plants to keep them swimming in tomatoes.

Two: Even if you don't know what you are doing, your 'What If?' scenarios should always include how will you handle success; when what you've been working for comes to fruition, sooner and in greater quantity than you dared hope for.

Are your systems in place to handle it all? Is your plan scalable? Can you get help?

Perhaps I'll open up a 'Bubba Gump Tomato Factory'... send recipes, LOL!!

The Enemy of Good...

wyrdsmith@laveda.info (LaVeda H. Mason) — Mon, 26 May 2008 14:34:00 +0000

is Perfect.

Why do I say this?

Because I have noticed that one thing that stops me and many others from achieving their goals in life is the idea that, if you can't do something right, you shouldn't do it at all.

That idea is totally bogus. It is simply a high-sounding way to procrastinate, to avoid doing 'that which must be done'.

Think about it... nothing and no one starts out being the best. They may have talent, or skill, but it takes lots of trial and error, going over the basics, and in general, being willing to not know what you are doing until you are able to learn how to do it well.

We all know this, and yet, we hold ourselves back, afraid to make a mistake, or to seem less than perfect.

And, one day, we look up, after waiting until we can 'do it right', and realize that X number of years have gone by, and you are still no closer to achieving your goals than you were X years ago.

I say this to you, as well as to myself:

Do it NOW. Mess it up, you can always redo, retool, start over. You'll learn from your mistakes (and you'll make plenty), and, before you know it, you'll look behind you, and realize that you have come much further than you ever thought you could.

Don't let the naysayers (no matter how close they are to you) tell you that you can't/shouldn't do it. Don't listen when they pick apart your failures. Instead, look at their lives. What have they accomplished? What failures have they bounced back from? Or, is their life a string of compromises, things done to please others, always taking the safe (and sometimes uninteresting) route? Do they make fun of others who are on the path to achievement? Do they find ways to 'take the wind out of your sails'?

We all need people who will pull us back from the edge when necessary, but the best friends are the ones that know you, love you, understand and support your goals. The most valuable friend knows that sometimes, instead of pulling you back from the edge, they need to push you over.

Experiences You Don't Like...

wyrdsmith@laveda.info (LaVeda H. Mason) — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 13:01:00 +0000

"When was the last time you embraced a situation that you didn't like?
Did you complain through the entire experience or did you run away
from the situation altogether? If you did either, you missed a wonderful opportunity to be something that you've never been before. It just might have been that one thing that you had been wishing for."
~Les Brown

Ouch!

This quote hits a little too close to home; the way that all good quotes do :-).

It reminds me not to listen to the voices; to stay the course and do the things that need to be done to achieve my goals.

Transition...

wyrdsmith@laveda.info (LaVeda H. Mason) — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 20:21:00 +0000

These past two months have been pretty difficult for me. I can’t say why here, but suffice it to say that it has been a struggle to keep writing. Posting, as you can see, has suffered even more.

One of the things that I have learned, and that I strongly believe, is that when things are the hardest, when it feels like you cannot endure any more... that is when you are closest to a huge breakthrough. Those of you who remember your childbirth lingo know that it is called “transition”, and it is the time that you are closest to birthing. It is also the time that you feel most like either calling a halt to things; ‘we’ll meet back here tomorrow and finish up’, or to beg for a cesarean, because you can’t take it anymore. But you’re right around the corner from holding your new baby in your arms.

I *know* that I am in transition... for what, I don’t know yet. But I still feel the pressure to get it all done... some of it is external, some of it internal. Knowing it hasn’t made it easier to bear up under it. There are plenty of times that I feel like getting under the bed, taking the phone off the hook, and ignoring everyone and everything.

But that doesn’t solve any problems, does it?

No, it doesn’t.

:-)

Well, as they say, "When you find yourself coming to the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on!"

On Loss...

wyrdsmith@laveda.info (LaVeda H. Mason) — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 16:07:00 +0000

"Looking upon the loss of anything as though it means the end of it, is the same as believing falling leaves mark the end of the trees."
~Guy Finley

On Perfectionism...

wyrdsmith@laveda.info (LaVeda H. Mason) — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 20:15:00 +0000

When Good Labelmakers Do Bad Things...

I need a new keyboard after looking at this one!! (sfw)

Honestly, it's a great reminder to me not to carry organization too far :smiles:!

On Joy...

wyrdsmith@laveda.info (LaVeda H. Mason) — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 11:39:00 +0000

"Let there be more joy and laughter in your living."
~Eileen Caddy

'In the Nick of Time...'

wyrdsmith@laveda.info (LaVeda H. Mason) — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 19:30:00 +0000

Recently arrived in my email:

~~~~~~~BEGIN EMAIL~~~~~~

"We're in a Race Against Time! This is the central theme
of the DIW methodology. Speed is an essential component
to successful realization of the fruits of Debt Freedom.
It is not a casual stroll.

While we're paying off debt, time is our enemy.
In time, some calamity or another will threaten
our ability to make debt payments, and our
financial security.

Friday's unemployment report reveals 80,000 U.S.
workers lost their jobs in March. The unemployment rate
rose to 5.1%, the highest since September 2005. Many,
if not the overwhelming majority, of these workers have
debt, have children, and a non-working spouse. They have
lost this race against time. With luck, they may find another
job and another opportunity to start the race... anew... but
much farther behind.

Coincidentally, a friend of 24 years called on Friday.
He had been offered a generous severance package
in exchange for giving up his hi-tech job after 14 years of
service... and agreeing not to sue the company.
It took him about 3 seconds to decide to take the money
and run. Next month he'll be a statistic in April's
unemployment report.

He has a 4-year old child and a non-working spouse...
but he has no debt.

Almost one year ago to the day of his layoff notice, he paid
off their last remaining debt, their mortgage. His family has
been living debt-free ever since, and stuffing their savings
accounts with all of the cash that used to go to debt payments.
Coupled with his severance, this is enough cash to pay for
their reduced cost of living expenses for 3 years or so.

He achieved Debt Freedom in the nick of time.

He knows he must find another job. Children aren't cheap.
But... he has time.

If you're casually strolling your way to debt-freedom,
you're losing the race.

-------------------
Greg Moore is the Creator of the Wealth Building System
'DebtIntoWealth -- Lessons from My Journey to Debt Freedom'

"My husband is due to retire from the Navy in just two
years at a young 42 years old, and right around then,
using your system, we'll be completely debt free, which
means we could literally never have to work another day,
if we choose." -- Andrea Davis, South Korea

Get YOUR plan to get Debt Free today! Click:
http://www.debtintowealth.com/debttrap.html

DEBTINTOWEALTH.COM

~~~~~~~END OF EMAIL~~~~~~

Disclaimer from LaVeda: The links are not affiliate links, nor is this a paid post. I received this email, and I thought that the principle discussed was worth passing on, whether or not you use this system or a different one to get out of debt. (I haven't used the program, either.)

Anywhoo...

Why am I posting this?

Mainly because financial stability means the difference between whether Murphy just pops in for a minute, or brings 'extended visit' luggage :-)... and financial stability also brings peace of mind when the wolf comes knocking at the door.

Reduction/elimination of financial fear... it's a good thing :-)

It all Begins With One Question...

wyrdsmith@laveda.info (LaVeda H. Mason) — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 20:40:00 +0000

Why?

Once you know the 'Why?', the 'What', 'How', 'When', 'Who', and 'Where' eventually all fall into place (not necessarily in that order).

Otherwise, (without the 'why?' answered) what you are trying to do is meaningless, because you are more likely to fail to count the actual COST of what you want.

Knowing why you want something can help you to keep your priorities straight when you come to a fork in the road.

For example, when you get an opportunity to work on a project that will meet your goals, but will compromise your character and intergrity, you will find it easier to say 'no', because it doesn't line up with who you are. Conversely, if you haven't clarified why you are trying to do this, the what [you are willing to do to get it], and who [you are - character and ethics], won't be sufficiently strong to resist the siren call to compromise yourself.

Do you spend enough time with your family and friends?
Do you have no time to rest and recuperate because what you are doing is getting in the way?
Have your relationships died, decayed and/or mummified?
Have you become a Snuffleupagus? (Before November 18, 1985)

These are all signals that your 'why' isn't clear enough.

If this is true for you, the only person who can decide to change it is you. Your family, friends, acquaintances and coworkers may all be on your back to change, but ultimately, you have to decide to make the change, and stick with it. You do this by deciding what is important to you, and making clear, conscious decisions in the moment to not compromise your principles and convictions to achieve your goals.

I won't lie; this isn't always easy (depending on your goal, it isn't ever easy, even when your 'right way' is clear. But if you keep the end in mind (your goal), you will develop the habit of reminding yourself that the right thing isn't always easy, and the easy thing isn't always right.

If You Just Keep On Living...

wyrdsmith@laveda.info (LaVeda H. Mason) — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 20:37:00 +0000

another piece of the puzzle will fall into place.

Especially if you talk with people, and ask their opinion about things.

I was speaking with a gentleman today, and the conversation turned to why people lie about things that aren't even important.

His answer totally floored me.

"Reputation", he replied. "People want to be seen a certain way."

Whether thay actually are that way or not. They present themselves that way, and then go on about their business, and you believe that they are the way that they presented themselves to be. And you treat them accordingly.

!!!!!!!

To tell the truth, maybe it is naive of me not to have thought about that, but anybody who spends any amount of time with you knows what you are like.

Unless you are a sociopath with incredible acting skills, people will figure out in short order that you are not who you represent yourself to be.

So, why waste time with facades? And add the moniker "liar" to your list of imperfections?

Any ideas on this one?

(Thanks, Joey!)

Happy April Fools' Day!!

wyrdsmith@laveda.info (LaVeda H. Mason) — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 20:37:00 +0000

If you are on the internet, you know that April Fools' Day began in earnest yesterday, what with people on the other side of the International Date Line starting the fun.

On Twitter, you could hardly believe anything you saw...

In email, practical jokes abounded...

In person, whoopee cushions sounded out...

LaughingSquid declared yesterday "Annoying Internet Day", lol!!

Me?

I was tempted to tell my dh that we were expecting another little one... but that wouldn't have phased him...

Or, that this one time that I played the lottery, and I discovered that I won ... but, he would have looked at the calendar immediately, lol!

Soooo... we just had a quiet April Fools' Day, and even the children behaved themselves.

Yes, they did. No fooling!

How was your day? What did you do?

On Duty Vs. Expectations

wyrdsmith@laveda.info (LaVeda H. Mason) — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 02:30:00 +0000

I need to re-read The Notebooks of Lazarus Long again... along with some of Heinlein's other books. These tenets are something to keep in mind.

Lazarus Long/Robert Heinlein on Duty v. Expectations:

"Do not confuse “duty” with what other people expect of you; they are utterly different. Duty is a debt you owe to yourself to fulfill obligations you have assumed voluntarily. Paying that debt can entail anything from years of patient work to instant willingness to die. Difficult it may be, but the reward is self-respect.

But there is no reward at all for doing what other people expect of you, and to do so is not merely difficult, but impossible. It is easier to deal with a footpad [a thief] than it is to deal with a leech who wants “just a few minutes of your time, please - this won’t take long.” Time is your total capital, and the minutes of your life are painfully few. If you allow yourself to fall into the vice of agreeing to such requests, they quickly snowball to the point where these parasites will use up 100 percent of your time - and squawk for more!

So learn to say no - and to be rude about it when necessary.

Otherwise you will not have time to carry out your duty, or to do your own work, and certainly no time for love and happiness. The termites will nibble away your life and leave none of it for you.

This rule does not mean that you must not do a favor for a friend, or even a stranger. But let the choice be yours. Don’t do it because it is “expected” of you."

Amazing the attitude toward wasting time... especially when you consider that these words are coming from an immortal :-).

Fragility

wyrdsmith@laveda.info (LaVeda H. Mason) — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 00:07:00 +0000

From The Group News Blog... [LowerManhattanite]

"Take a moment to take care of yourselves...and others.

You may have noticed my (LowerManhattanite's) scarceness over the last week-and-a-half or so. You may not have. I know that I've missed many of you and very much missed contributing as much as I would have liked.

Since Steve's illness and leaving us a year ago, the one truism we've all come to know is that “Life intrudes”—in good ways and bad. For me, life has intruded in a veritable multitude of ways in the last fortnight. Good...bad...but mostly it seems, the supremely distracting “What the f***” variety.

It has seemed overwhelming at times, and yes...it got me down, but in the end, I have my wits about me and can take care of myself. That last statement rings loudly in my head because what put that in hard perspective for me was some unfortunate news I received about a peer. Someone I worked with for a couple of years a few years back, a tremendously talented, dazzlingly attractive person with the world pretty much an open oyster for them—stardom, money and the works—and that person is now literally incapacitated by mental illness."

Read the rest here ... and remember to take care of yourselves :-).

Winston Churchill on Danger...

wyrdsmith@laveda.info (LaVeda H. Mason) — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 14:12:00 +0000

“One ought never to turn one’s back on a threatened danger and try to run away from it. If you do that, you will double the danger. But if you meet it promptly and without flinching, you will reduce the danger by half. Never run away from anything. Never!”
~Sir Winston Churchill

Tell yourself repeatedly:
"I am moving through my fears, and I am free."

Remember that the resources you need come to you when you need them. Even when you don't know where they will come from.

-----
Speaking of resources, I am a novice webmaster. I need to change my homepage to reflect my three blogs. And while I'm doing research, I'm not finding what I need.

What I want to do is have my main homepage (www.laveda.info) have an excerpt of the latest blogpost of each of my three blogs, and change automatically as I keep posting, so that a newcomer to my site can get a taste of what I write about. WordPress MU has been suggested, and while it will do what I want, it is beyond what I can do, programming-wise, and write, too!

Any suggestions on forums, websites, etc. that provide tutorials on how to do this? I'm tearing my hear out here (and I didn't have that much to start with)...

Thanks, all!
LaVeda

It All Comes Full Circle...

wyrdsmith@laveda.info (LaVeda H. Mason) — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 02:30:00 +0000

From our parents to us, and then to our children.

I think the greatest change that we can make as a people is to learn from the mistakes and triumphs of our parents, friends, and people around us.

Then, we'll be free to make totally different mistakes, that will help someone get ahead that much faster, and eventually, we will figure out the best ways to do things, with a minimum of stumbling around in the dark.

Of course, this assumes that we're all Vulcans, and maintain a fairly high level of detachment, instead of getting all messy and emotionally involved in the activities, the process, and the outcome of what we are trying to accomplish.

Something to Think About...

wyrdsmith@laveda.info (LaVeda H. Mason) — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 02:30:00 +0000

“We have the need to be accepted and to be loved by others, but we cannot accept and love ourselves. The more self-love we have, the less we will experience self-abuse. Self-abuse comes from self-rejection, and self-rejection comes from having an image of what it means to be perfect and never measuring up to that ideal. Our image of perfection is the reason we reject ourselves the way we are, and why we don't accept others the way they are.”

~ Don Miguel Ruiz

Speaking of Parents...

wyrdsmith@laveda.info (LaVeda H. Mason) — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 02:30:00 +0000

Give your parents a hug and a kiss, and tell them you love them....

Parents don't always make sense, but they love you...

Tissue alert!

Parent Job Description

wyrdsmith@laveda.info (LaVeda H. Mason) — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 02:30:00 +0000

[I'm filing this one under 'you always get what you need in your email...', because I didn't write it; although I could have! - LaVeda]

PARENT POSITION:
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION:

Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment.

Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.

Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!

Travel expenses not reimbursed.

Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:

The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.

Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.

Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.

Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.

Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.

Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.

Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.

Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.

Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:

None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:

None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis...

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:

Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right...

** AND A FOOTNOTE? **
THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!!
If you are fortunate enough you will become grandparents :)