I was driving home in the car earlier today, and Elton John's "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word" came on... and as I listened, I felt very sad.
Because many people [including me] feel/have felt the way this song goes... [My comments in brackets]
"What do I gotta do to make you love me ... [nothing]
What do I gotta do to make you care ... [nothing]
What do I do when lightning strikes me ... [!!]
And I wake to find that you're not there ... [go home from the hospital, and find someone else]
What do I do to make you want me [there's nothing you can do, dear... s/he either wants you, or they don't]
What do I gotta do to be heard [if they're not listening... fugeddaboutit!]
What do I say when it's all over [Goodbye? Good Luck?]
And sorry seems to be the hardest word [Hopefully, you learned something from the experience, and won't make the same mistakes again.]"
Honestly, obsessing over a failed relationship is not a good thing, and does not make you a martyr. It makes you obsessed, and it is ALL downhill from there. And YOU are the one that suffers.
Yes, I have made the mistake about caring about people who didn't care a whit about me, except to use me. After a while, I got it. Even though it hurt me, even though it cost me, it WASN'T ABOUT ME. It was about THEIR cluelessness, selfishness, and cruelty.
That didn't absolve me from responsibility of learning the lessons that these negative experiences held, to keep from making the same poor choices again.
What expectations was I bringing to the party, that caused it to turn out this way?
As I learn more about myself and human nature, a lot of my questions were answered. And I didn't always like the answers. They didn't line up with the self-image that I had built up of myself, and revealed darker parts of myself to me that I didn't care for.
On top of all that, they didn't make sense [!!].
For example, there's
Yes, manners and thoughtfulness and courtesy can go a long way toward making friends and having people like you, however... people don't always like one another.
You know this.
Haven't you ever met someone, and something about them reminded you of someone that you disliked? It probably took a long time to get over that initial impression [if you ever did].
Even if the person in question never did anything to you.
So, that having been said, you can do everything right, and an individual can decide that they don't like you ... or don't like you anymore. And, many times, it has nothing to do with you. All you have to do with it is to accept it, and move on. If they are meant to like you, they will.
But to quote Gownron ... "Perhaps, but not today!"