tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6393867648309125214.post7708865983385024550..comments2012-01-07T13:28:55.465-05:00LaVeda H. Masonhttps://profiles.google.com/104557780916072741743noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6393867648309125214.post-84381730913290826182012-01-07T13:28:55.465-05:002012-01-07T13:28:55.465-05:00I have been in a relationship with a passive-aggressive for about three years now, and it has been very hard even for me with my passive-aggressive tendencies. I learned to recognize and often even controll my own - but I cannot say the same about him.<br /><br />Everyone is different, and there are many ways people manifest their PA. I found it interesting that my man displays PA behavior only in some aspects of life and not others. He is reliable at work, but in personal life..<br /><br />It made me want to beg, cry, nag, threaten to leave. It threw me into behaving as a PA. It made me question my self-worth. Now I take his behavior for what it is and don&#39;t beat myself up for not being good enough anymore.<br /><br />I try to work it through comunication and trust but without therapy one cannot do much at all. Neither one of us trusts therapists so it all seems like running in place because any progress we make is always followed by setbacks.<br /> <br />Leaving him is an option which I know exists but I do not want to leave him. It seems, some personal qualities that appeal to me in a person are almolst always bundled with PA. Non-PAs don&#39;t work for me.<br /><br />One of the ways for me to deal with my man&#39;s PA behavior was always looking at myself and seeing myself as a person with many quilities that never depended on his presense in my life nor were impacted by the way he chose to act - and that is where I draw my strength from.<br /><br />Still, it isn&#39;t easy. How to get through to a PA is a question I am trying to answer my entire adult life.Paulienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6393867648309125214.post-4978295997814920662011-08-13T22:41:18.118-04:002011-08-13T22:41:18.118-04:00Wow such a great article ..... My gf she is passive aggressive ppl I am so sick around her, even I bought her a Copley ring which cost a lot of money for me because I am still a university student , she just wear it for five days , because we get a small fight actually is not a fight for me, she make me worse and worse but I don&#39;t know why!! I don&#39;t want to leave her , can any one provide me solution ? Except avoiding her ?Reynnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6393867648309125214.post-32662566869662966282011-08-12T04:23:05.207-04:002011-08-12T04:23:05.207-04:00Anonymous said ...<br /><br />Thankgoodness for the people who have commented ,<br />I clapped my hands when the girl having the babies left him .<br />i am in a terrible place just now ,<br />but he is going to have a surprise soon !!.I will keep you posted <br />sue <br />august,2011Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6393867648309125214.post-11816926560802333182010-12-29T15:59:39.660-05:002010-12-29T15:59:39.660-05:00what do i do? be strong and never ever buy into what they want you to be, which is the bad one. they want to be good and will lie and bully bully bully you into admitting something you are not. do not do it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6393867648309125214.post-64628039841188969852010-11-23T16:01:19.361-05:002010-11-23T16:01:19.361-05:00I think all the responses here have value to them. I also think as a person on the receiving end of PA behaviour that it is abuse but more self-abuse to allow it to continue. Letting go takes a lot but its the only way and the odd prayer for yourself and the other person. If you look at your childhood/growing up/caretakers probably one of them was PA and so its familiar to us. I looked at my side and reasons why I was attracted to them in the first place it was a revelation. I see these painful lessons as a way to grow if PA&#39;s want to grow they need to do their own work in their own time, the same for PA victims but one ting is sure change invites change remember it takes two the do the dance. Looking inside of ourselves could be the solution, useless to try and get the other person to do it, they need to want to do it for themselves first. Love to everyone on their journy.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6393867648309125214.post-65558048580794149452010-08-22T09:20:54.934-04:002010-08-22T09:20:54.934-04:00Spent 26 yrs of marriage to a passive aggressive and here are some of the things he did but didn&#39;t want to be held accountable for:<br /><br />He attended graduate school for 18 months while I worked fulltime (we had a 2 yr old), but when it came time to graduate, he couldn&#39;t be bothered to finish the final project...<br /><br /><br />While pregnant with the second child, on the &quot;due date&quot; I went into labor, and guess what? He just had to work late, so I am languishing at home in labor until he finally showed up at 11:00 PM. Get to the hospital, emergency c-section within 10 minutes, son is born with paralysis of left side (yes, he does recover) due to long &quot;chin presentation&quot; labor. Does he take responsibility for any of this? NO...<br /><br />I would frequently call him to figure out what time he would be home so I could plan dinner. On one occasion, he tells me he is close to home on Rt 78. 45 minutes later he shows up, and I inquire how could you be so late if you were on Rt 78. His comment? I was on Rt 80, I don&#39;t have the roads memeorized like you do.<br /><br />What a horse&#39;s ass. He just kept up this lame behavior all his life. Then finally he picks up and moves out because I no longer depended on him for anything or included him so it was getting progressively more difficult to inflict his games on me.<br /><br />-MelanieMelanie Bnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6393867648309125214.post-68338814828174799442010-08-09T20:07:58.023-04:002010-08-09T20:07:58.023-04:00I just got out of a relationship with a passive aggressive woman. I&#39;ve never experienced such a level of frustration dealing with another person in my life.<br /><br />We had been high school sweethearts and then didn&#39;t talk for 15 years. We ran across each other on Facebook and began chatting again.<br /><br />We were both in relationships at the time, so it was very platonic but there was an immediate spark.<br /><br />Fast forward 1 year and I was no longer in a relationship, she told me she had feelings and I admitted mine as well. <br /><br />For the next 8 months I chased her, pleaded with her, gave ultimatums, apologized for being impatient, gave up, started over. . . until finally I couldn&#39;t do it any more and I just walked out.<br /><br />It was a completely unhealthy and destructive not only to my self-esteem, but to several friendships and relationships with family members. The more I tried to be the person I thought she wanted, the more her feelings shifted.Jesse at 1920s Fashion and Musichttp://www.1920s-fashion-and-music.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6393867648309125214.post-68796425625479993292010-05-17T11:02:33.592-04:002010-05-17T11:02:33.592-04:00Pauline, <br /><br />I appreciate your taking the time to respond.<br /><br />You are correct; the post wasn&#39;t written to help you... the point of the post was how to deal with people who, for whatever reason, deliberately do not do what they say that they will do... or lead you to believe that they will do. <br /><br />Only you can decide how you will respond to conflict between yourself and another person. PA is a response, however you need to be clear in your own mind about what you want to accomplish in your relationship with the other person. <br /><br />PA behavior is a WITHDRAWAL from the &#39;emotional relationship&#39; account. Too many withdrawals, and you&#39;ll be overdrawn. [That&#39;s where the &#39;Seek to distance yourself from them&#39; comes in.] <br /><br />YOU are responsible for how you CHOOSE to interact with other people. If you see that your behavior is causing you problems, you may want to consider talking with a friend or a therapist. You can learn to CHOOSE better behaviors. <br /><br />No one can fix anyone except themselves. <br /><br />All the love in the world will not &#39;cure&#39; a person who chooses to exhibit unacceptable behaviors... all it does is enable them, and encourage them to continue on with it.<br /><br />Other people have choices too... and while I didn&#39;t mention it in my post, PA behavior is abusive. If you are on the receiving end of it, put a stop to it [or get out], if you are on the giving end of it, seek help. You can learn healthier ways of interacting and dealing with conflict.LaVeda H. Masonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04452087711993638577noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6393867648309125214.post-53569160294423322662010-05-13T12:02:24.659-04:002010-05-13T12:02:24.659-04:00I am also PA....I find articles which are biased one way or another are useless for people to be able to grasp both sides. <br />If you want to be wise and knowledgeable, you need to study,accept and understand both sides of any situation.<br /><br />Artcicles speak of us victimizing ourselves, etc. But I concur with the other PA comment....it is ignoring the fact of why we do it. <br /><br />Maybe if someone created an article, from their own biased opinion and find someone who is on the opposite side of the door maybe there would be more understanding and balance in how we deal with each other.<br />I guess after all, we are all still pretty blinded to the other side of things.<br /><br />Im on the losing side of the &quot;let&#39;s get away from that person&quot; solution that this article so stupidly gives. <br />1. I hope people who think that about me do in fact get away from me. Why would I want people who think so little of me to be around me<br />2. people with PA like myself have in fact gone thorugh life events that have made us this way. Seeing it from my side, I don&#39;t imagine myself putting a distance between me and a loved one, if anything we need a bit of patience and understanding.<br /><br />In my second point I guess it comes down to how much you do care about the person or not, if not that much, well....number 1 seems like the choice to pick.<br /><br />do e-mail me w comments...<br />frias.paulina@gmail.com<br /><br />I am one to look for help for my actions and passive aggressivness, and this article did nothing for me. So next time, think about not making your artciles so biased....it only shows how close minded people are.Paulinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08177975516818702091noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6393867648309125214.post-12396263804445688362009-12-18T18:38:26.991-05:002009-12-18T18:38:26.991-05:00&quot;Anonymous said...<br /><br /> as a PA person, this is like ignoring the issue and going around the problem. People do this often. Being ignored sucks no matter who you are.&quot;<br /><br /><b>if you don&#39;t want folks backing away from the heat, don&#39;t start the fire...</b>e.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06480104332680570020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6393867648309125214.post-16435430040799474952009-12-18T03:28:47.326-05:002009-12-18T03:28:47.326-05:00as a PA person, this is like ignoring the issue and going around the problem. People do this often. Being ignored sucks no matter who you are.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6393867648309125214.post-64865331853550110702009-08-04T23:09:25.200-04:002009-08-04T23:09:25.200-04:00Yes, everything you have said is so true. I am learning to love the distance I have set against passive-aggressive people.<br /><br />Thanks!<br /><br />Tarawordsmithtarahttp://wordsmithtara.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6393867648309125214.post-61553698590223756052009-07-27T00:02:53.346-04:002009-07-27T00:02:53.346-04:00Thank you!!LaVeda H. Masonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04452087711993638577noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6393867648309125214.post-86891732558762775712009-07-26T22:31:59.883-04:002009-07-26T22:31:59.883-04:00This is the best I&#39;ve seen on the web so far.<br />My dad is like that and those are the solutions I have come up with.<br />Stay in control of the game AT ALL TIME, no matter what.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com